I'd love to do "Murph" today, but I don't have the time.

     This came out of my mouth yesterday when my Momma asked me what my workout was.  See, Russ was part of this amazing fundraiser this weekend, Navy Seal Memorial Challenge, honoring fallen servicemen.  The day involved a ceremony honoring each of the 89 Navy Seals KIA since 9/11, the workout, "Murph,"a golf tournament, speakers, and a BBQ in Half Moon Bay at the Ritz Carlton.  I am SO proud of Russ.  Earlier in the week, he'd sent out an email asking friends and family to pray for the family of the soldier, Jonas Kelsall, or honor him by doing the workout.  Some even asked to donate money.  :)  (I was in Oklahoma soaking in my nieces and sister, so I didn't even get to do it with him or cheer him on!  I'll have more on that later.)
      Here's Russ with his CEO, Dick Costolo, and Jason Khalipa- the SWEETEST guy, previous CrossFit Games winner, came in 2nd place last year, and overall outstanding man.... Oh yeah, Russ wore a 10#  weighted vest.  He's awesome.

     Yesterday, I saw a post on Twitter of a picture of our best friends, Ryan and his 3 boys, after the workout with neighbors.  That's a tough WOD for a 13, 11 and 9 year old!  So, I told my Momma, "I'd love to do it but..."  Now, that was a lie.  No one in their right mind says, "I'd love to do Murph today!"  Murph is as follows:

     Does that sound FUN?  NO.  However, given who you're doing it in honor of, it's a little easier to endure.  Still, it sucks.  After I said that, my Momma pressed me.  "Oh.... how long will it take you?"  "I don't know, maybe an hour?"  "How long is a usual workout?"  "Well, after warming up, working out, cleaning up my stuff and doing mobility, maybe 45 minutes to an hour?"  She let it go and didn't push any more, but it left me questioning myself.  What did I have to do?  I had already gotten groceries, cleaned up breakfast, started the dishwasher, did laundry, etc.  Did I really not have an hour, or was I making excuses.  I was totally making excuses.  SO, I did it.  I started eating a Quest bar, took my bucket of chalk, leather straps for my hands, water bottle, iPod, and went to a park.  See, I'd never done a full Murph.  I've always run both of the miles, but twice I've done half of the exercises in the middle.  Never a FULL Murph.  Yesterday, I bit the bullet.

     The first run was pretty good but not outstanding, 7:20.  Right or wrong, I hold back knowing I've got a long way to go.  The middle three are grouped into 5-10-15 reps of them but 20 rounds.  So, I began picking away at each round.  It just kept getting hotter, and the bar was a monkey bar.  I wrapped my fingers around it in a "O" shape, when on our fat bar at home, they're in almost an "e" sign language shape.  The leather straps are new and stiff.  I started tearing callouses and getting new blisters.  I could come up with numerous excuses as to why I had to eventually break up even a short 5 rep set of pull ups, but it's just tough no matter what.  The push ups were my weakest, and to have that fact shoved in your face, literally every time you go to the ground, sucks.  It sucks!  I don't like feeling weak, and by round 16, I almost wanted to cry from frustration.  Then, I thought to myself.  Did Jonas cry when it was tough?  Wasn't HE hot in Afghanistan?  So, I stuffed it and kept moving.  Every time I went to squats, my quads cried.  I have no idea why they were sore, but they were and reminded me.  One by one, I took a poker chip out of the bag noting another round finished.  Then, it was time for the last run.  My run was S-L-O-W.  My quads had to warm up to the idea after squats that they didn't get to rest but needed to keep firing.  Three laps around the park is a mile.  The second lap, my mind began to fight with me to "just walk a little bit.  You'll feel better and be able to run faster when you start back up."  No way!  You won't!  I've heard this lie from my head before, and I've listened enough times to know it's not true.  That really doesn't work.  So, I pictured myself as a CrossFit competitor running from outside to inside the stadium (carrying a 40# log) with the crowd cheering, encouraging, assured that their athlete NEVER quits and somehow keeps finding more strength, energy and determination.  I didn't quit.  I wanted to walk and catch my breath, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other, shutting down any more lies from my mind.  Man, I can be my worst enemy.  However, I actually remembered to pray for his family.  Remember how I'd wished I'd prayed for Baby Brayden's family instead of thinking of his suffering?  I actually remembered to pray for his widowed wife, parents and sister.  Instead of thinking about how horrible my time was going to be (It was 1 hour and 3 minutes.), I thought about my choice to actually do this and finish.

          It's so easy to place myself, my wants, my agenda, and my *fill in the blank* first.  However, I've found that as soon as I recognize I'm pushing myself in front of everything or everyone else and I change my perspective, God somehow manages my life to include time for the things I wanted and needed in addition to the things others wanted or needed.  Putting myself aside yesterday, placing LCDR Kelsall in my forethought, and doing some small thing to honor his service and life was insignificant in a lot of ways, yet it offered me the opportunity to pray for his family and get out of the way of myself.  Life is always better when I'm not clogging up the front!

   

Next week, I'm taking you to Ed's house to spend some time with him.

     To this, Anthony said, "No."  I told him why, but he still resisted entertaining the idea.  When I brought it up to him again later in front of Russ, Anthony looked at his dad and asked, "Don't you think Mim's crazy wanting us to go to some guy's house who she met in a park?!?!"  Russ' reply was, "Actually, No.  I think it's a good idea."

     Wow.  It's so nice to have a husband supporting me in life and parenting.  I am thankful for him in many ways, and I know that raising boys is outside of my understanding at times.  So, to have him beside me can be paramount.  Like times I want my sons to go with me to a stranger's house.

     I talked with my Momma about the man, Ed, I met yesterday.  I had seen him slowly walking with a wide, unsure gait into the park along the paved walkway.  His caregiver, "D," was behind him with his cane in case his journey got to be too much.  I began the 1st part of my workout, walking lunges, and then moved onto my run.  As I ran past the bench he'd stopped to sit on, I held out my hand for a high five.  His caretaker gave me one, but he didn't register what I was doing until I'd passed him.  I ended with some squats, and then began walking to cool down and shake out my quads.  I started toward my truck but felt prompting in my heart to go talk with him.  So, I veered back on the path and walked to his bench.  "D" was sitting on the end, he was about 2 feet from her, and there was about a foot of the bench left on his right.  As I approached, I said, "We need a do-over!"  I held out my hand, and he awkwardly held his hand up sideways to give me my high (low) five.  :)  I then sat next to him, on that small part of the bench, and he put his head on my shoulder.  I talked a little and listened to him for about an hour as I sat there beside him.

     He was SO cute.  If you ask my boys, they'd tell you, "Mim LOVES old men!"  It's a little joke with them for some reason; they think it's funny.  Well, I do.  There's just something about old men.  I look at their faces weathered by age and life experiences and try to picture that ornery little boy that grew into the now frail man.  How they must've stood so tall and proud next to their young brides.  How they were bread winners and made their wives feel safe at night or every time they were wrapped in those strong arms.  Those "old men" were once making this country thrive!  They were the workforce and pioneers in their fields.  They were valuable, contributing members of society.  Then somewhere at some time, they get lost in the mix.  Their kids were out of the house stripping them of daily, fatherly duties.  They retired with pensions and pride only to settle into a time of restlessness.  How do they fit in and where?  I love old men because I can see a longing in them to belong again to something important and worthy.  I'm not saying they're all depressed, walking zombies, but our society doesn't really have a place for them to thrive and really LIVE.  They often kind of exist from one task, appointment, block in the schedule to the next.  :(

     So, I learned Ed was from St. Louis.  He was one of 12 kids, 7 boys and 5 girls.  They lived in town and had a wood business.  They sold wood to stores, bakeries and families.  Two brothers joined the Army in WWII, two went into the Navy, and he with another brother went into the Marine Corps.  (YUT!)  He married Betty (boo with eyes of blue) at 18 and went to war with air defense in the Pacific.  When he got back, they bought a house here, and he worked a little at the electric company, was a fireman, and worked many other jobs (usually always had two at a time)He is STILL in the house that he bought new in 1944!  He plays guitar, and his wife played piano.  They loved to play together.  She passed away three months ago.  THREE months ago. :'(  Can you IMAGINE?  72 years married!!  Then, she's gone.  Who are you when your partner for 72 years is gone?  I've only been married 16 years in July, and I can see where one part of Russ is woven into a part of me masking any kind of beginning or end.  I get a surge of excitement in my stomach when we are listening to music and suddenly start singing at the exact same time.  It's that fabric getting knit tighter and tighter.  ;)  Ed is still part of the Vets group, but one by one, his friends are dying.  Ed IS 90, but it's not easy.  These men were with him, like his wife, 72 years ago and have been ever since.  He commented on how one man in particular was the one who filled in all of the memories for them.  "Whitey" would remember so many details the other hadn't stopped to take in.  They were in war after all.  Those men have become more like family.
   
     "D" said Ed was having a hard time getting up and out of the house.  "Sometimes he just wants to sit on the couch all day, but that's not good for him."  Ed was sitting right next to me; don't talk to me like I'm his nurse taking report, "D."  He's listening.  He's depressed.  Can you imagine?  Of course these pains that haven't existed before three months ago have surfaced.  Pains in his shoulder he swears must be from busting down all of those doors in those house fires.  A pain in his shin from getting a cleat in his leg (when they were metal spikes) as a high schooler.  "Put your hand on my shoulder here.  Feel it?  Feel all of the clicking?"  Yes, I felt it.  It feels like my knees.  ;)  But, I think the pain is also just having lost his wife- who brightened his face even in her absence.  It's easier to talk about physical pains than it is to talk about emotions and broken hearts.  It  makes me think of when Starks just lost his train of thought on the p-bars routine in competition and forgot to dismount.  "My wrist hurts!"  He couldn't really put to words all he was feeling, but he could say his wrist hurt.  That gave him a grace period from further questions.  He was really disappointed, frustrated, angry, upset, etc.  The list goes on.  Ed's shoulder hurts, that's why he doesn't want to leave the house.  Ed's shin is sore, so he can't walk outside the neighborhood he walked around with his wife for 70 years.  Breaks my heart.

     Ed told me his address.  He described to me exactly where his house was and the layout on the block.  He asked me to come visit him, and his blue eyes sparkled when he did.  The anticipation of company made him smile.  I told him that I would.  He gestured to shake my hand as we began ending our time and conversation.  I, of course, told him I wouldn't shake his hand but wanted a hug instead.  He laughed.  If you know me well, you know I love hugs.  "You didn't grow up here, did you?"  "No, I grew up in Ohio."  "I knew it.  People from the midwest are always friendlier and will stop to talk to other people."  That made me smile!  So, he stood up on those legs that he wasn't confident in.  Would they cause him to fall back to the bench or would they stand firm?  Well, they stood firm enough to give me a hug!  He said "You're strong!"  That made me smile again.  Then, he went one way home, and I went to my truck.

     I don't think it's too crazy to take my boys there next week, if only for an hour at a time.  Ed is just too cute to not spend another moment with him.  I think there's such value in blending generations.  I was not comfortable around my grandmom because she just wasn't nice, and I knew she didn't like kids.  Her house was full of things I didn't care about- doilies, flower patterned everything, and knick knacks out the wazoo.  However, I bet if she had actually spent time with me, talking and sharing with me, I'd have related to her and those things.  Chas is, of course, excited to meet Ed because Chas sees how happy I was having met him.  Plus, Chas is just so awesome that way.  He's comfortable with and loves being with adults.  Anthony's still on the fence, but he'll go.  There will be negotiating, I'm sure, on the way about how long we'll stay.  I'm hoping he'll forget about it once he's there.  I pray Anthony will be an old man someday.  I hope he's surrounded by all of the people that love him.  I hope someone takes the time to sit with him, listen to his stories, and recognize that he exists- not pass him by as if unseen.

Happy Mother's Day!

     I love celebrating moms!  I also like to be acknowledged by my boys.  Is that prideful?  (It's a rhetorical question.)  My boys are so sweet to tell me encouraging things and to thank me, but I still like seeing it on paper!  I received this from Starks on Friday as he just could NOT wait until Sunday to show it to me. "I spent 5 hours today working on it!"  He chose yellow construction paper because that's my favorite color.  He "finally found out how to draw (my) hair!"  The dress is one I wear.  The brown teeth??  Well, that one's a mystery.  ;)  Starks loves rainbows and all colors, thus the background, but he made sure to use yellow highlighter instead of crayon to make my favorite color stand out most.  Wow.  I think that's a TON of thought for an 8 year old to put into his mom's card cover!  I have come up with numerous reasons why this is awesome, but the thought and time he put into it is at the top of my list.

     Then, I got to the inside.  The page on the left was a letter to me enumerating reasons why I should be on the cover of People magazine.  He stated that I'm busy but also give up time from working to play.  I'm a good friend and make myself "mostly available to do anything with anyone, like coming to bake cranberry bread with my class."  I'm also "a great nurse.  If you get hurt then she comes with whatever you need for your injury.  She has everything to fix you right up."  I love it!  "She plans trips to any state we really want to go.  She goes places where she doesn't want to go but I do want to go."  My goodness!!!  As you can see here, this page was also pretty fantastic!  You have me, an award, and a medal from being voted #1 MOM.  ;)  I almost teared up when I read #3 that I'm good at sports.  Sports are very important to him, and I'm not sure I would've felt like an athlete before CrossFit.  His card is heavy on the time thing.  Starks is my physical touch love language kid, but I'm reading here that he's also huge on quality time!!  

     I won't get into Chas and Anthony's cards in detail, but they, too, were very thoughtful with their word choices and thanked me for caring for them and loving them.  I understand that this "holiday" was started by business, but I love it.  I don't care about gifts, but I like having a reason to thank the ladies in my life for loving me as a mom or modeling great ways to be a better mom.  I have learned so much from observing other mothers and taking from them ideas, a greater perspective, or even what not to do.  All of it is very helpful!  

     My card from Russ was just what I needed to read.  I know he loves me.  I know he appreciates my part of caring for our family.  I am thankful he sees the reward in my staying home with them.  I am blessed to have the opportunity to do so.  I don't take it for granted most days!  ;)  Like today, when I stayed up with Chas last night to help keep him on track and work on his project until 1:45am, and am a bit foggy, I have been smiling throughout this warm, sunny morning.  Chas won't ever forget the time his mom stayed up on Mother's Day to help him with his project.  He'll know that I support him.  He'd better not expect me to do it again, but this case was unique.  Hopefully.  LOL.  He'll also remember how I threatened him in the morning to get dressed for school and that I would not call him in as an excused absence- which I said would result in all of his assignments for today being zeroes.  :)  I called his Daddy on the phone (which I've NEVER called him at work) to have my back on making him go to school.  Chas was nauseated from lack of sleep, grouchy (though not as much as I thought he'd be), and in tears.  Being a good mom means helping him to finish a project but also making sure he reaped the consequences. Poopy Doo.  It's no fun for me to enforce, but it's got to be done.  I actually think he was comforted by the fact that I made him go to school.  Chas does like to see that the boundaries are firm.  

     The boys actually dressed up in collared shirts for dinner!!  Russ took several pictures of us on the swing and standing on the deck.  As you can see, Starks is a nut.  Starks was doing flared nostrils and crazy eyes in most, so I went with one that represented his mood best at the time.  ;)     My goodness, Anthony just surpassed me in height, and I'm 5' 7.75".  Chas is growing, too, and I actually think it'll be awesome to be in a house with towering young men around me some day soon!   Until then, I'll enjoy them littler and eat up every minute.  Looking at this picture makes me want to cry.  Part of it could be lack of sleep and reserves for such emotion, but it's also because it makes my heart swell with love so much that it's a bit overwhelming.  Sometimes I can't believe I'm living this life.  I mean, I get to look at these handsome faces, as well as Russ', day in and out, and I am given the privilege and responsibility/trust to care for their needs.  I make mistakes, but they are forgiving.  I lose it, but they are patient.  They don't expect me to be perfect, but they do expect me to be there.  So, I will continue to learn, hold the line, ask God for what I need to do His work each day, and pay attention.  Greatest profession in the world!  And, as you can see, I love my job and am certainly one Happy Mother!

"No, I am NOT going to bring your desk into the bathroom for you to build Lego men while you poop!"

     Call me Crazy, but I just don't think that would have been a good idea.  However, after saying it, I got more push back than I thought necessary.  Starks... He reminds me of what people describe as "all boy."  He plays with Legos, creating attacks complete with noises.  He loves ALL sports and is quite adept at any he tries.  He can have 2 hours of gymnastics followed by 1.5 hours of baseball practice and run to the trampoline when we get home.  He is not phased by what most may balk at as "over scheduled," as long as it's something active!  If he WEREN'T in these things, he'd be doing them all day at home- and asking the grandma next door to play catch when the rest of us are exhausted.  However, he is great at school, has no focus issues and can sit still no problem.  He's just the sports guy who dislikes down time.

     So, when he was lying on the couch last Tuesday night with flushed cheeks, blank stare, and flaccid limbs, it almost scared me.  Obviously, the realistic part of me- and nurse part- knew it was just a fever, as did Starks, yet seeing it played out on a tiny body that has <5% body fat kind of put me on alert.  It broke my heart to see his personality completely snuffed out!  It was the kind of fever that needed something every 4 hours and didn't stop until Thursday night when he still had a fever, but not as high. So, he woke Friday wanting food and acting himself.  We spent the day together again.  :)  He caught up on eating, played lots of electronics (He was even too tired to do that for more than a day.), and went with us to see "The Amazing Spiderman 2" after school with Daddy.... finishing the evening with a big burger!  He was BACK!  I didn't have any idea "why" he had a fever until Saturday when he woke with sore vocal cords.  That tiny, sweet voice was a little smaller, but the energy was mostly there.  

     This morning, as Russ and I were almost ready for our coffee date, the shower came on in the boys' bathroom.  We left knowing it was Anthony but not seeing him.  After returning, I found him dressed but lying on the couch.  :(  A mild fever (I never actually use a thermometer and don't own one.) caused his cheeks to turn red, and he was complaining of a stomach ache.  Anthony stayed on the couch all day except for a couple of showers, which make him feel better when he's sick.  He texted me while I was in the garage "MIM!  I need you!  Please!"  Of course, I'd finished a workout, the tree guy had arrived right after I'd cleaned up my equipment, and we had walked together down the block to evaluate some trees.  SO, I pick up my phone after coming back to the garage, see the message, run upstairs, and he'd thrown up on the pjs I'd placed beside him to put on after his shower.  He couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, so he contained it the best he could.  *sigh*  I missed my opportunity to help.  However, I've been stroking his head, kissing his forehead, cheek, and head of hair at every moment when I've leaned down to talk to him.  In a sense, he was a prisoner and couldn't run away.  Muahahahaaaa!  As an 8th grader, he can always get away, but not today.  I took advantage of him.  I did.  I think it's my duty as a parent to do so.

     This day has been ridiculously constant, but I've been able to take in some good, yet short, moments with each boy today.  I'm thankful for that... that during a day when I'm from one thing to the next, I am also given moments to rest in and ENJOY with my family.  I'd been listening to Starks, sitting with him, and watching him set up a battle of Lego guys before he had to break to poop- and ask me to help him continue that moment in another "room."  LOL!  He also doesn't want those times to end.  I cling to that!  I'm still needed and wanted, and it feels pretty awesome.  Life is good.  The alternative isn't as fun.  So, I'll take sick, tired, energetic, and needy.  It's all gravy!