I would either judge myself in a good or bad light depending on the topic. Stop there. I would judge myself against what/whom? Am I NOT doing the right things during sex? Aren't the right things whatever my partner and I agree to do? Who cares what anyone else likes or doesn't like? Why does it matter? I don't get it. If I were to read about it, though, I'd probably end up thinking I didn't live up to something. I mean, can I change my body shape? To a degree, I can, but I'm also going to have genetics that play a part in where my body gains fat first, or how wide my hips are, or if my thighs could ever live up to the thigh gap phenomenon. If I did something illegal without knowing, would I honestly STOP or just agree that if it was illegal but ridiculous that it's one of those laws that should have never made it to the books. Would I think I wasn't risky enough? Or too much so? Would these really teach me anything to make me grow into a better person?
These articles remind of me of the checkout line placement of trash magazines that throw in my face "facts" or lies about celebrities and their lives. Oh.My.Goodness. I can't imagine all of the horrific photos someone could get of me during a typical day. I mean, my face is totally expressive, and I'm sure mid-expression, I look like a monster. Post that with a headline of how I must be addicted to pain medicine, and anyone would be convinced it's truth! Consider yourself lucky if you haven't seen my ass blown up in HD showing each dimple of cellulite. These magazines get sold, so people are interested enough to SPEND MONEY on them. Compare yourself against a person you've put on a pedestal in some way to be better, prettier, or more successful than yourself, and then see them knocked off! Wow. That must make someone feel SO good to know those celebrities are human with problems... just like themselves! Who knew. I am thankful no one follows me around waiting to capture each mistake and poor decision to be broadcast for others to see and then use to place me below them in some way in their minds.
We've got to stop. We've got to quit measuring ourselves against one another and LOVE each other. LOVE, PEOPLE! Not worry about how we compare to another but be THANKFUL for how WE were made. Then, forget the world. Forget what it teaches us through media and just instead focus on how we can lift each other up... and not worry about how high compared to ourselves. Not lift them enough to be beside us or JUST a bit below us (however you are measuring), but really not worry about getting them up high. High enough that they're out of reach, how about that? Do we have it in us to help someone be BETTER than ourselves?
Now, a while ago, Russ changed my profile picture on Facebook (obviously before he worked for Twitter!) while I was out of the house. He'd been looking through pictures of us on the computer with the boys, and they came across a picture of me during our drive from PA to CA when I was 8+ months pregnant, with a short, horrible haircut, braces (I was getting an impacted tooth pulled into place), and just not in a "good" place physically. (Full disclosure, I gain A LOT of weight in pregnancy... has nothing to do with indulging cookies and milk every night, it's all genetics. ;) Anyway, I came home, saw it up on the computer, and FLIPPED OUT. I felt violated. I didn't want to remember visually that person ever again. And I sure as hell didn't want to introduce her to anyone who'd never met that version of Verlana. I was upset for a while at him, changed my passwords, and let him know how I felt! He posted it as a "LOOK HOW MUCH SHE'S CHANGED! I'm so proud of her!" I certainly did not feel proud.
Anyway, I came across her yesterday while we're preparing for our new bedroom furniture. Russ was going through the belongings he'd had in his bedside table and found a picture of us at "prom" before he graduated Wharton. I'm introducing her to you today. We've all got to own our past- the mistakes we made, the paths we've taken off track, and all of the good fortune we had. ALL of it. I'm claiming the versions of myself, too. I got here today through version 2005. Embrace ALL of the "ugly," messy, not so flattering history in your life story, and be thankful for how you've changed!
When I asked Russ permission to post this picture, I figured I'd get a rapid, "Yes." However, there was an long, unexpected pause before he asked, "Do you remember how upset at me you were when I posted it?" Yes, I do. But, if Russ can love me through all of my past selves, then I should, too. :)
