SEX, SEX, SEX!

    Ok... I know that's a little much screaming it like that, but I've been thinking a lot about it.  After watching this TEDTalk video this week about feminism, I've found myself thinking about what feminism means.  It's the advocacy of (public support of) women's rights (privileges, birthrights, power, etc.) on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men.  Now, I watched that TEDTalk video after all of the positive talk about Beyonce's VMA show.  (God bless, she is gorgeous.)  I watched the majority of Bey's performance (not all of it), but it actually made me a little uncomfortable and upset inside.  SO much sex.  OK, I get it, Beyonce, you love to ride the pony.  Yes, and though I don't see why, Jay Z makes you want a lot of it.  Gotcha!  Thanks for letting us know how much we're missing out on in bed without him.  That aside, she has a HUGE following and therefore a voice that many hear and listen to.  SO many people heard about the equality of sex from Beyonce that night.

     I look at girls as I drive my son to high school and know they are going to have sex someday.  (I've not really begun to allow myself to think that the boys- and therefore MY boys- will be doing the same.)  They look at Beyonce and learn that they, too, can have sex, enjoy it, relish it, get freaky with it, and maybe some day do it without being called a slut or whore- unlike their boy counterpoints who are instead celebrated for doing the same.  But is that all we want to teach them about feminism?  Are we going to start with equality of sex first?  Is that the first battle to fight or argument to tackle?  Can't we start with feeling empowered in other ways?

     It's illegal to have sex before you're 18.  Israelite girls were given into marriage at 12-13, immediately after puberty.  This can be appalling in today's standards.  I read articles and books about societies that still do this, and I'm enraged.  To go into why would days of blogging.  However, we were made as sexual beings.  Our bodies enjoy it.  If we didn't have it, our human race would not continue to exist.  So, puberty begins our desire to keep our species from going extinct, and the law says keep that to yourself until you're 18.  The Israelites said, you have this desire, get married!  :D  I'm not sure that worked out for everyone, but I really cannot say.  I'm assuming.  I mean, it worked out so well that the man could take multiple wives in case she really wasn't the "right" one.  (I'm paraphrasing.)  I would love it if my boys waited until they got married.  BUT, I don't ever want them to feel ashamed about sex.  How do I balance that?  Ooooo doggie... that's a tough one.

     The thing about sex is that it's different for everyone.  One falls somewhere on a continuum with regards to how much you desire it.  Also, what one person is comfortable doing would shock another.  Yet, I have to believe that as long as there's a conversation and consent between two people, it should be OK.  After I typed that, I realized there are scenarios that I consider CRAZY and UNNATURAL (like what you'd see in a freaky horror movie like 8mm) that might be outliers.  Then again, who am I to say as long as two people are willing?  Yikes.. this took a wrong turn.

     I guess what I was trying to say is that there are billions of people on Earth, the majority of which will some day have sex, and we cannot put what "sex" looks like into a box.  There are just too many variables.

     Enough about that, though.  How do I present it to my boys?  The Bible says God intended for sex to be within marriage, and that it is a sin to do so outside of marriage.  BUT, like I don't want my kids to live with the shame of sin regarding anything that is not loving to God, others or themselves, I don't want to make sexual sin above all else.  Does NOT shaming them mean I condone it?  Condone:  accept or allow a behavior to continue.  I believe it allows grace.  I think instead of shaming, I hope to have conversations about it.  I especially want my boys to know the emotional aspect and impact on the female and themselves.  Yes, you're horny thanks to that Testosterone surging through you, but your actions impact another life (that you don't even need in order to take care of that urge).  Health class will teach you that you risk diseases- and pregnancy!  I think that the collateral damage to the soul can be much more complicated than that.  How is it done?  I mean, how do you present sex as a between two committed people, to put that expectation or "goal" out there for them yet not have your son or daughter feel ashamed if it's not met?  Is it possible?  I guess it might be if you never talk about it.  You never say specifically, and they never tell you if/when it's happened.  That sucks.

     Anyway, I would like to get beyond sex as a top priority in equalizing sexes.  I hope that people other than me researched feminism more to gain an understanding beyond Beyonce's minutes of sex and butts that suddenly turned into her in front of "Feminist."  Otherwise, teens would feel like the preceding 10" defined that word.  Yikes.  Let's start with education, please.  Let's begin by teaching young girls that they are as "powerful" and important as boys.  I've heard older women say, "Well, I was either going to be a teacher or a nurse."  Thank goodness, we're beyond THOSE two options!  Let's not pigeonhole anyone- male or female- into what they are capable of or "allowed to be" before they've even started.  You can pick any part of "political, social or economic equality" to be more important than "I can have as much sex as you and like it as much as you and be equal."  COME ON.  There are greater things to fight for first.  A strong, confident, educated, empowered woman will be thankful.  Do think Malala cares about sexual equality?  Not FIRST on her list!  She's trying to make sure females can get an education, just go to school, in her country and that she make it to a government seat to champion change!  I do not think the women in the part of the 3 MILLION Syrian refugees that have left are walking along and thinking how they wish men wouldn't care about their sexuality/sexual activity as much.  Other than about surviving, they may be thinking how they wished they would've been allowed out of their houses, to get an education, to gain a skill so that they could have something on which to support themselves without a man.

      Let's love and praise a girl today for something deeper than her pretty hair, her adorable dress, her sparkly shoes, or her booty.  ;)  BTW, The Gap sent me an email this morning with the tagline alongside an adorable, Asian girl that said about a coat, "It's the perfect way to add boyish charm to a pretty dress."  I then can deduce that being boyish is charming?  Would a tagline for a boy wearing something to give it a "girly flair" be as awesome?  Can we imagine it someday?  Little Leaguer Mo'ne showed us that throwing like a girl is kickass!  How about when being girly and boyish are equally awesome.  We don't have to make us more alike but equally appreciate our differences.  Again, I digress.... back on track:  Let's love her spirit, her determination, her intelligence, her drive, or whatever part of her character that shines.  Let's start highlighting what's REALLY important in being human.  To me, that involves loving people as they are.  Whether a male or female or undefined, I am to love them.  Not deny them anything I'd give another.  Not look down on them for anything they've done or judge myself better in some way.  Not force them into life as I've defined it... but present the option.  ;)  If we TRULY express unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another regardless of race, gender, or world successes, then we can expect there to be a movement toward equality that follows.

Yes, Starks, I will be sad when you go to school

Whew

     Our boys officially started school today.  Although today was Anthony's 7th day of high school, it was Chas' and Starks' 1st day in Middle School and Elementary respectively.  Thank goodness these boys don't care about school tradition too much.  First of all, we didn't go to school the day before for either of them to get their school class assignments that were hung on a wall.  WHY would we?  First of all, it's ridiculous parking, and secondly, why jockey in front of sheets to see who's in class with you and where?  They get the SAME information the next day, and it's just more of a surprise!  ;)  (Full disclosure, a friend who went texted me Starks' teacher's name, but we had no idea which friends were with him in class.)  

     I did not take pictures of my kids holding signs this morning in front of anything.  I've done this in the past, but I cannot recall how it happened.  Why were they happier and eager to be awake and moving so early in previous years?  Instead, I heard bear noises from Starks and Chas when I woke them this morning.  Granted Chas informed me that he'd been up "most of the night" feeling sick, but he never threw up.  Starks was just toasty and comfy, I guess.  He slithered out of the blankets eventually, albeit reluctantly.  At least Starks eats well and healthily first thing in the morning.  Chas has always needed 2 hrs to sit in a chair and warm up to the idea of starting his day.  During school, he has no such time!  Instead, I woke them 30" before we needed to leave for school.  Really, I think that's enough time to pee, get dressed, and eat.  However, Chas ate nothing for breakfast and took a Ziploc baggie of his uneaten bacon in his pocket for if/when he got hungry in school.  Who knows if he ate it or traded it for something tangible or intangible?  Anyway, I digress.  Great mom that I am, I totally took a picture of the sunrise over the mountains this morning instead of my kids. LOL.  Mom fail #1.

     The ride to school was fantastic, and the traffic I'd been anticipating was non existent!  SCORE!  Drop off was at the curb for Chas and the crosswalk for Starks.  I was left a little torn in the beginning that Starks did not want me to find parking and walk him in, but in the end, I was proud of him.  He doesn't really know how to process feeling nervous or even recognize that he is sometimes, but after answering many questions on the drive about what was expected of him until the bell sounded, he was fine!  So, off he walked, alone, to his first day of 4th grade.  I came back home to get Anthony and take him to school, went back to elementary to pass out supplies and then lunches, left to give blood, then drove back to pick up Starks and Chas from school after their HALF day!  Then, we all came home to eat lunch and rest.  Chas still had a headache, felt achy and tired, so we spent the afternoon and evening with the TV off and on.  Poor guy.  

     Starks was VERY happy with his teacher.  "She has a lot of parties!"  And although there was no First Day of School Party, it was still a great day.  After lamenting school yesterday and saying "I hate school," he had a wonderful day.   He could not remember the jokes, but she told a few and made him laugh.  :)  She said there will be a lot of homework in the beginning but that it'll decrease periodically as the year goes along.  This made him happy.  He is also in class with his closest friends from 2nd grade!  YEA!  I feel good about this year for him.

     Chas feels good about school, too.  He has some great 7th grade teachers, got into Algebra and Adv. English, but was given an elective he hadn't listed.... ART!  Not so bad.  He says he's not a good artist, so hopefully he'll learn new skills or enjoy new mediums.  He is excited about Chamber Choir already.  :D  I believe he enjoyed his first day regardless of feeling ill, and I know he loved seeing his friends and being surrounded by them again!  His friend, Wesley, looked so handsome today in his jeans and button-up shirt.  :)  It made me smile to see the familiar faces again at both schools.  

     So, today was a win for the Laraway boys.  Tomorrow, will be a win for me.  ;)  I have nothing on my schedule until 2:20!  I've already resigned myself to doing a horrible workout because I should have the time.  It'll be something exhausting yet empowering in the end.  Other than that, I guess I'll be surprised by what God places in front of me for the day!  (I have back to school night at the high school at 6:30... that is surreal to me somehow.... that I have a high schooler.... [for Russ:] that's just stupid and weird.)  

     You know, last night on the drive home from gymnastics, Starks was talking about school and dreading it.  He kept talking and said, "I know you're sad, too, right, Mim?"  Before I could answer, he went on, "I bet there are some parents that are happy their kids are going to school.... because their kids might be annoying or misbehave."  "I bet you're sad because you won't get to love us, play with us and be together."  Of course, I told him that he was absolutely right!  I would be sad!  However, I was not going to introduce the gray area.  ;)  I was not going to let him know that it wasn't so black and white... that being a little happy about your kids going to school didn't mean it was because you "got rid of them" but that you got a little more of yourself back.  Not having them here means I shed the self imposed guilt that I can pile on after choosing to do laundry, clean, or commit to a task instead of playing a board game or doing something else with them.  Granted, I would love to have them home with me longer. And, I feel blessed and full after our awesome summer of camping, baseball, best friends, family, and the ocean.  No complaints here on how we maximized our together time through sickness, baseball, and adventure!  :)  Plus, we have an awesome trip planned to Kauai- with the NEADINGS!!!!- in November to add to our 2014 adventure fun.  

     It's bedtime here now.  I meant to have them in bed by 9pm last night, but somehow it was 9:35 before they were actually  in bed.  I failed, but tonight Chas and Starks were lights out by 9pm.  WOOHOO!  Small, beautiful victory!  I think Chas' being sick helps him not put up a fight for an early bedtime.  Who knows, maybe they'll be rested enough for me to wrangle them for pictures!  However, our morning is a delicate balance.  I have to be aware of not barking out too many orders (eat your eggs, do your hair, brush your teeth, EAT) to keep peace.  Yet, I have to bark out some orders to keep things moving in a fashion that ensures us getting out of the house with full bellies, smart looking dos, fairly good-smelling breath, and everything they need for school.  (You'd shake your head if you knew how many times we've arrived at school with no shoes... no backpack... no PE clothes... no homework that was on the counter... it's embarrassing.)  Plus, if we get into the truck late (usually Chas is the last- forgetting something or making multiple trips to find something), then there's panic from Starks that he will be late to school- as he's the last to get dropped off.  We have said many a prayer on the ride to school that God will get us to school safely and on time!  Starks' panic turns into his punishing his brothers by annoying them for the ENTIRE ride to "get back" at them for an event that has not even occurred.  Sounds totally logical, right?  All of that to say, there is A LOT going on in my brain in the mornings weighing and balancing my actions and words.  Proper sleep helps them and me!

     With that, I'll end.  It was a great day.  I didn't get a chance to miss my kids as I was just too busy.  Tomorrow may be a different story.  ;)  I'm proud of my little men, though.  As they are growing up and gaining independence, I'm pleased to see that they are developing into respectful, awesome young men.  (May be "too early to call" for Starks.  LOL.)  I like who they are, and I'm not worried.  They've got this growing up stuff, and I'm praying for guidance and revelation from God for anything I need to see and do.  My loves.  

     

     Life is fantastic, but I'm sad.  We just came home two days ago from an awesome time with family and friends in Cape May, NJ.  In fact, our best friends spent the whole week with us there- moving in and out with ease through the days littered with our family and friends.   All but one day was spent with additions to our clan!  The house was beautiful and very accommodating- the kind that sets you in vacation mode right off the bat.  We arrived Saturday evening, and not even 10 minutes later, my newly discovered aunt, Dawn, met us at the house!  She had driven from Rhode Island, stayed with a friend in a beach town 1.5 hrs north of where WE were, to meet me for a few hours for the first time.  Now, how else can you start a vacation?!?  The sacrifice of time, money, and energy to see me meant so much.  I like her already.  :)  I value people's putting aside themselves for others, and I know it wasn't an easy trip to make.  But, she did it, and I had a great time meeting her and her friend.  

     Sunday was our first day at the beach, and it was awesome!  We spent each day after that at the beach, and it was different every time.  The waves were crazy one day, crashing right at the shore and breaking on you with force, and then some days they were calmer and more "boring" to the boys.  ;)  The boys seemed to like the waves that made you aware that you were NOT in control of them, their power, or their energy more than they liked the "baby" waves.  LOL.  Oh, testosterone, how you show yourself!  However, the last day's waves were "baby" waves, but we spent all of our time in them, near the shore, rolling and allowing our bodies to be pulled and pushed by them- all the while filling our suits with sand.  I loved it!  In fact, we played so much that way that I felt their pushing and pulling for hours afterwards out of the water.

     Our family and friends stayed with us to have fun and enjoy our company.  We can always count on the Polks to jump right in, and though we were missing two of them, we had SO much fun!  That day, the waves were surging so high that they spilled over the hill until it filled the "beach chair/towel/umbrella" area up to about 15" from the fence near the dunes!  So, then, the kids played in the "pool" of water instead of the fierce waves.  My sister-in-law, Tracy, and her kids stayed with us several nights and days, and it just filled my heart to have them there.  I was looking forward to spending more time with Tracy, so I was satisfied.  ;)  We could not wait to see Russ' cousin and family, and it, too, was just amazing.  They came over late one night, with three YOUNG kids post beach and tired, driving 40" to our house, just to spend a couple of hours with us?!  First of all, their kids are awesome.  Second, we love the parents.  :)  Third, we were blessed, too, with Russ' aunt and uncle!  They jumped right in playing our new game of "celebrity" taught to us by the Polks.  They are engaged people, taking in the joys of being together.  I love them.  We actually got to see them again as they spent time with us at the boardwalk north of us in Ocean City, NJ.  Good times!  My in-laws came down for a day, and we had a wonderful dinner celebrating their anniversary that week.  Lots of love from everyone during the week!  We are very thankful!

 The ladies at Ocean City Boardwalk

 The Men!

Back at the house after dinner!

     If you want to see our slideshow/videos of the trip from Philly to Cape May, you can see them here.  Russ did an outstanding job putting it together- as always.  I love having our memories put into a video to watch whenever I want.

     SO, back to being sad.  We arrived home Sunday night several hours after Russ, as he had a direct flight.  He picked us up, and we drove straight to the movie theater as one last hurrah of vacation.  We saw the new Planet of the Apes movie, and it kept Starks interested the whole time... even given the fact that it was over at 1am Eastern Standard Time, which was what his body was on.  Awesome!  Well, we came home and melted comfortably into our own beds.  Yea!  I woke up with Russ at 7 to go with him and have our morning coffee date, came home, started breakfast, and he walked up the stairs!  He'd decided to work from home as the train was late, he had no meetings scheduled, and he could do all of his work here.  :D  A check up for Anthony that morning led to scheduling same day surgery for this week.  No biggie, but the Dr. wanted to do it before school started.  Ok... school starts in 2.5 weeks.  Next, Costco with Anthony!  We brought home groceries and "Cost-dogs" for all the men.  (yuck)  I came home, continued my chores, talked on the phone to my Momma, and then it was time to take Starks to gymnastics.  Chas went with me as I was running more errands afterwards; he's awesome that way.  He loves to spend time with me doing boring stuff.  As we were about to drive from our parking space on to the next place, I got a call.  I parked again and listened.  It was one of those automated calls from school, and it was telling me about important dates.  Parent Freshman Orientation this Thursday, check.  Freshman Orientation Monday the 18th, che... what?!?!?  First day of school Tuesday the 19th?!?!  WHAT?  I sat in the truck speechless and stunned.  Their website had listed different dates, but apparently, they hadn't rolled out their NEW website with the NEW url with the current dates.  I'd seen old ones.  So, within a matter of a minute, I'd lost 1.5 weeks with Anthony.... and I'd been forced to think about his starting HIGH SCHOOL sooner than I'd planned.  Funny, huh?  How "I'd planned."  I keep a great schedule of things I need to remember because otherwise, I'll forget.  I hold it loosely for the most part, expecting some changes here and there, but I still plan weeks ahead sometimes in my head- imagining what those weeks could look like and what to expect.  However, I have no control over that... over the reality of what those days and hours will actually look like.  Then, there's the time component.  Time is not given in this equation of life.  We can expect a day to hold 24 hrs, but that day's 24 hours may go faster than another's to us.  I am not guaranteed any time.  None of us is.  We plan for hours and days and weeks of time that we may never see.  I could die today!  I'm hoping not to, but one never knows.  That's why we have to "seize the day" and enjoy what present time we're in... not waiting and wanting for more.  However, that time I thought I had with Anthony disappeared, and it broke my heart.  I cried on my drive to pick up Starks.  I cried in my bed a couple of hours later.  Just sad.  Just thinking 6.5 weeks of summer vacation isn't really a summer vacation.  I'd wanted to fill it with more fun and time together.  I felt robbed.  I still do as I cry and type this out.  I love my kids, and I'm not ready for this school year to begin yet.  It's going to be crazy with three different drop off times and three different pick up times.  I've not yet figured out who to get first from schools 2.5 miles apart that get out within 2 minutes of each other.  Or how/when to get Starks to gymnastics on time.  Or that his getting out later this year means my time with him BEFORE gymnastics doesn't exist.  We used to sit in the truck for 10-15 minutes together and talk before he went inside the gym.  This year, I'll be driving by and booting him out, rushing on to get his older brothers.  :(  I'm sad.  I'm crying, already mourning another year of them growing up.  However, I'm also very happy that they are.  I hate "they grow up so fast."  Yes, they do, Mr/Mrs. Insightful.  I think every parent knows that.  I try to take in each day with them and enjoy them happy, indignant, stubborn, loving, active and all mine.  I try to be present with them when we're together.  It still sucks knowing school starts soon- and sooner than I'd expected for one.  

     I'll just keep praying.  God, please continue to speak to the hearts of my boys that they know your voice.  Keep your hand of protection on them and guide them as they walk through life and find their way in the world.  Help me to celebrate their growing up and becoming independent.  Give me peace with letting go of imagined moments and open my eyes to take in present ones.  Lord, let them be true to and love themselves the way that you created them- each with their own perspectives, strengths and gifts. 

     With that, I'll leave with my eyes wet and cheeks streaked.  I've got some things to do before my Momma flies in today to visit.  If you pray, please pray for me and the boys.