On Friday night, as I was trying to pick out clothes for the next day, everyone was in our room on our bed. I'd been gone from 4 to almost 8pm setting up our hospitality room for a girls' gymnastics meet. The boys got home later than me and wanted tell me about their night at their old school in San Jose. They'd been to the "Fall Festival" to see old friends. (It worked out for everyone, but Chas, as no friends of his were there.) Anyway, I pulled out my favorite leggings and asked, "Are these too bold, you think?" To which Anthony quickly replied, "Mom. Since when have you been worried about being too bold?" Oh.My.Goodness. Best compliment ever!!
His comment made me happy in many ways, and I've been thinking about it since. The magazines at the store will show "Cougars" and these famous women who look surprisingly still attractive in their 40's and 50's like it's a big deal. (Seriously, I feel confused as to why people care about this and BUY these magazines.) But, I have to say that in my 40's, I feel more "me" than I've felt for the first part of my life. I am comfortable in my skin enough to say, "Screw jeans! I'm living in Leggings!" I've got no one to impress by means of what of I wear. I feel stronger and more fit than I've ever felt. I feel more balanced. I am more forgiving of myself. I live this wonderful life and have fun with what comes along. I'm not trying to be anyone but me, but I'm just trying to be a better me each day. I'm OK that who I am changes in some ways and won't bend in others. And, I feel bolder than ever!
My son picked up on that. I'm bold... Those words sounded so awesome coming from him. I don't often get compliments for who I am. Sometimes I get them for what I do, and those make me feel good inside, too. But, hearing that he loves me for who I AM hit me to the core. It made it seem like I'd done something right. If I were to die tonight, I love the picture he has of me in his head. I just hope for more time to add some more bright colors, scenery, and details to that picture through many more years. :)
So, today when I was getting ready for my Women's Bible Study, I thought that maybe I should dress up a bit more. However, I quickly decided that I would wear my usual leggings- albeit capris. Why? Because I feel good in them. They feel like "me." I am comfortable, can move easily, and just feel awesome. Thinking back to high school, I remember loving those pants even then! How awesome that styles come back around. ;) I can even picture myself in my 70's wearing leggings as pants. LOL... I'll be THAT crazy, old lady! And, it's all good. I am BOLD, per my freshman in high school, and his noticing that makes me feel even more so! Watch out World!
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Everything Hurts
(big breath) Everything hurts today.... not physically, Thank God, but my heart. My heart is burdened for people I love and care about, and it seems as though the things I read, hear and think about just send me to tears this morning.
A friend, Randi, has been told that although her mom has battled and come back from many medical setbacks, this one may be the last. Her mom is in liver and kidney failure, and I can't imagine how Randi is awake, coherent and able to eat and function. She's not sleeping, but that's all she's really dropping the ball on.
I visited her yesterday at the hospital, and looking at her mom lying in bed made me remember my Daddy, but mostly my step-mom, Cindy. Cindy died of liver and kidney failure. It was difficult to see, but it was much harder to see Randi's face... what was going on behind that face. I had three parents die within 6 months, and it's hard. However, Randi has been a caregiver for her mom for so long, and her autistic son, that she's not only losing her mom and friend, but her role. That's a lot of change. She's also trying to focus on her family but is reminded of medical bills and obligations financially often. The fear she says can be overwhelming at times when she thinks of the possibility of losing her house, but she's not losing faith and is trying to trust God instead. How much faith does THAT take? Real world possibilities, but trusting a God not of this world to take care of them. I can't wait for her to someday retell her testimony about this time with praise and humility.
**** Seriously, Mandisa's "God Speaking" came on as I'm writing this? I am setting myself up for nonstop tears today, huh? I really had no other choice than to play my V-Love playlist (yep, like K Love, but my faves) this morning, though. I'd love to play something else and push my feelings out of focus, but that's not healthy. *****
I set up a Fundly website for my friend if you feel lead to give any amount of money from $5.00 to something else. You can access it here. I know you may not know her and therefore not feel any connection to her, but she has consistently put herself, her wants, and her needs aside for the sake of her family. Selfless... that's Randi. Gave up her job as a CSI.. put all of herself into making sure he son had all the help he needed in school.. plans her life around meeting everyone else's needs. She's one of a kind.
A friend, Randi, has been told that although her mom has battled and come back from many medical setbacks, this one may be the last. Her mom is in liver and kidney failure, and I can't imagine how Randi is awake, coherent and able to eat and function. She's not sleeping, but that's all she's really dropping the ball on.
I visited her yesterday at the hospital, and looking at her mom lying in bed made me remember my Daddy, but mostly my step-mom, Cindy. Cindy died of liver and kidney failure. It was difficult to see, but it was much harder to see Randi's face... what was going on behind that face. I had three parents die within 6 months, and it's hard. However, Randi has been a caregiver for her mom for so long, and her autistic son, that she's not only losing her mom and friend, but her role. That's a lot of change. She's also trying to focus on her family but is reminded of medical bills and obligations financially often. The fear she says can be overwhelming at times when she thinks of the possibility of losing her house, but she's not losing faith and is trying to trust God instead. How much faith does THAT take? Real world possibilities, but trusting a God not of this world to take care of them. I can't wait for her to someday retell her testimony about this time with praise and humility.
**** Seriously, Mandisa's "God Speaking" came on as I'm writing this? I am setting myself up for nonstop tears today, huh? I really had no other choice than to play my V-Love playlist (yep, like K Love, but my faves) this morning, though. I'd love to play something else and push my feelings out of focus, but that's not healthy. *****
I set up a Fundly website for my friend if you feel lead to give any amount of money from $5.00 to something else. You can access it here. I know you may not know her and therefore not feel any connection to her, but she has consistently put herself, her wants, and her needs aside for the sake of her family. Selfless... that's Randi. Gave up her job as a CSI.. put all of herself into making sure he son had all the help he needed in school.. plans her life around meeting everyone else's needs. She's one of a kind.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Yes, I'll take that knife
I love my life. I really do, and I understand that it's a true blessing. I tend to say that word often, but that's how I see so many things and situations in my life and others'. It's a blessing that I drive around town for what seems like 50,000 trips to different places- because I CAN! I have a truck (my Pilot that I LOVE and hope to drive until it just gives up on me) that gets me everywhere safely. I am home, not working out of the house, and can run errands a ridiculous amount of times a day if needed. How awesome that I don't have to plan errands on the weekends or after work. LOL! ...after work... After work means I'm in bed! :) I've got great things filling my schedule each day, and I can't imagine how things would get done if I was working out of the house, too.
Anyway, I'm loving my schedule being filled with such beautiful events- even on weekends. Yesterday, our town had a "Save the Music Festival" to raise money to help keep music in our schools. It's a big deal, and it's held in the park and parking area around our city hall building. There are bounce houses, game booths, vendors, food trucks, food tents, etc. as well as three stages for music. There are drum corps, local bands playing, the faculty band plays, choirs sing from our schools, and instrumental bands from our schools play. Of course, as Chas becomes more and more (almost exponentially) social, it was all about being with friends. However, he sang with his Chamber Choir and again in combination with the Carlmont High School choirs. Before and after it was time to sing, he was playing with friends. About 10" prior to starting while he was warming up with his choir, I was walking back from a trip to a FedEx box with Starks. I'd gotten sidetracked when I saw a couple with their three boys that Starks and I knew.
Let me set this up for you. I had 10" to get to the meadow, settle in, and listen to Chas. I really like this couple and wanted to catch up with them as they'd left our school for a year. Starks had run off to a tree to climb with their boys not 20' away. Chas' friends had started to appear from behind a building and were walking toward me. The parents and I had been talking about our heat wave (it was over 90 yesterday- BOO), baseball, school drop offs, etc. when one of Chas' friends walks over to me like he's about to sell me drugs. He looked very nervous and was talking quietly. He asks me to take Chas' pocket knife that Chas has asked him to hold for him while he was singing. I take it, and it wasn't his pocket knife. It was a dagger. It was one of his long knives with a sheath. I take it, and put it in my TINY purse I carry that only covered the blade part- not the long handle. The boy walks away as I tell him and another friend that Chas starts in 10" and to meet me at the pavilion. I look back to MY friends who are stunned by the size of a knife just handed to me. I tell them that my boys love knives, and Chas in particular always carries one. "He takes one to school?" "NO! He carries them after school if we go anywhere and on the weekends." "That's a pocket knife?" "Well, not exactly, but he loves to have a knife to whittle with and just have in his pocket, especially at the park." I felt like I had to give back story on how my Daddy loved knives, collected them, and would show his collection to them. My Daddy gave them their first pocket knives, and since we camp, too, they love having them and playing with them. "They throw them?" I think he was being funny, but I told him that yes, Chas throws knives and has destroyed several from hitting stones or hard wood instead of dirt. It didn't elicit laughter like it did in my head when I said it!
As Chas' friends made their way from me, one says, "See you later, Babe." LOL. This is almost a train wreck now. The woman I'm talking to is a teacher, and the husband is just staring at me at this point. "Did he just call you 'Babe?'" "Yes, he did. See, I pass out lunch at the school every week, and I call everyone babe. I didn't even realize that I did it, but I do. So, they now joke with me and call me babe. I take these boys home often, and at times am driving 6 boys in addition to my own." The scene changes as I now have 5" until show time, I feel like there are loose ends, but I need to round up Starks and head over. "I hope to see you over there!" as I walk away. I was laughing so hard as I walked, and I'm still cracking up writing this. I was trying to see it from their perspective, and so I wasn't surprised when they did not show up to listen to the Chamber Choir sing and risk seeing me again. LOL. SO funny to me. You know, the boy who said, "See you later, Babe" will say, "I love you" most of the time when he walks away. Thank GOD that didn't come out and add MORE confusion!
The relationship with this one boy reminds me of my relationship with Jac and her mom. I told Jackie that I loved her for the first time one day I think in Jr. High when I was about to hang up with her on the phone. It came out because I was so used to saying it to my mom on the phone, but I realized that I really did love her. So, from that point on, since I'd opened the gate already, I told her I loved her when we parted or hung up from each other on the phone. I would tell her mom that, too. This boy told Chas he loved him when he left our truck a few weeks ago and has said it more since. He tells me "Love you Second Mim" (my boys call me mim) or just "Love you" when he leaves me. SO sweet... but so odd from our outsider's perspective, I'm sure.
Chas looked good on stage. Of course, singing outside and with a choir, I couldn't pinpoint his voice, but he looks like he loves the stage when he's up there. He's confident and comfortable. :) He hung out longer with friends at the park and brought a couple of them home with him after the festival. He has already asked if he could be with friends more this week. I'm trying to help him regulate that time so that it doesn't interfere with drums and school work. (Anthony wasn't this way and still isn't, so it's new territory.) There's always some new water to negotiate as they grow up, huh? Each boy is different, and parenting methods don't necessarily scale in some ways. I like that it keeps me on my toes. It's like a smoothly running ship that looks like a Charlie Foxtrot in the engine room.
Anyway, I'm loving my schedule being filled with such beautiful events- even on weekends. Yesterday, our town had a "Save the Music Festival" to raise money to help keep music in our schools. It's a big deal, and it's held in the park and parking area around our city hall building. There are bounce houses, game booths, vendors, food trucks, food tents, etc. as well as three stages for music. There are drum corps, local bands playing, the faculty band plays, choirs sing from our schools, and instrumental bands from our schools play. Of course, as Chas becomes more and more (almost exponentially) social, it was all about being with friends. However, he sang with his Chamber Choir and again in combination with the Carlmont High School choirs. Before and after it was time to sing, he was playing with friends. About 10" prior to starting while he was warming up with his choir, I was walking back from a trip to a FedEx box with Starks. I'd gotten sidetracked when I saw a couple with their three boys that Starks and I knew.
Let me set this up for you. I had 10" to get to the meadow, settle in, and listen to Chas. I really like this couple and wanted to catch up with them as they'd left our school for a year. Starks had run off to a tree to climb with their boys not 20' away. Chas' friends had started to appear from behind a building and were walking toward me. The parents and I had been talking about our heat wave (it was over 90 yesterday- BOO), baseball, school drop offs, etc. when one of Chas' friends walks over to me like he's about to sell me drugs. He looked very nervous and was talking quietly. He asks me to take Chas' pocket knife that Chas has asked him to hold for him while he was singing. I take it, and it wasn't his pocket knife. It was a dagger. It was one of his long knives with a sheath. I take it, and put it in my TINY purse I carry that only covered the blade part- not the long handle. The boy walks away as I tell him and another friend that Chas starts in 10" and to meet me at the pavilion. I look back to MY friends who are stunned by the size of a knife just handed to me. I tell them that my boys love knives, and Chas in particular always carries one. "He takes one to school?" "NO! He carries them after school if we go anywhere and on the weekends." "That's a pocket knife?" "Well, not exactly, but he loves to have a knife to whittle with and just have in his pocket, especially at the park." I felt like I had to give back story on how my Daddy loved knives, collected them, and would show his collection to them. My Daddy gave them their first pocket knives, and since we camp, too, they love having them and playing with them. "They throw them?" I think he was being funny, but I told him that yes, Chas throws knives and has destroyed several from hitting stones or hard wood instead of dirt. It didn't elicit laughter like it did in my head when I said it!
As Chas' friends made their way from me, one says, "See you later, Babe." LOL. This is almost a train wreck now. The woman I'm talking to is a teacher, and the husband is just staring at me at this point. "Did he just call you 'Babe?'" "Yes, he did. See, I pass out lunch at the school every week, and I call everyone babe. I didn't even realize that I did it, but I do. So, they now joke with me and call me babe. I take these boys home often, and at times am driving 6 boys in addition to my own." The scene changes as I now have 5" until show time, I feel like there are loose ends, but I need to round up Starks and head over. "I hope to see you over there!" as I walk away. I was laughing so hard as I walked, and I'm still cracking up writing this. I was trying to see it from their perspective, and so I wasn't surprised when they did not show up to listen to the Chamber Choir sing and risk seeing me again. LOL. SO funny to me. You know, the boy who said, "See you later, Babe" will say, "I love you" most of the time when he walks away. Thank GOD that didn't come out and add MORE confusion!
The relationship with this one boy reminds me of my relationship with Jac and her mom. I told Jackie that I loved her for the first time one day I think in Jr. High when I was about to hang up with her on the phone. It came out because I was so used to saying it to my mom on the phone, but I realized that I really did love her. So, from that point on, since I'd opened the gate already, I told her I loved her when we parted or hung up from each other on the phone. I would tell her mom that, too. This boy told Chas he loved him when he left our truck a few weeks ago and has said it more since. He tells me "Love you Second Mim" (my boys call me mim) or just "Love you" when he leaves me. SO sweet... but so odd from our outsider's perspective, I'm sure.
Chas looked good on stage. Of course, singing outside and with a choir, I couldn't pinpoint his voice, but he looks like he loves the stage when he's up there. He's confident and comfortable. :) He hung out longer with friends at the park and brought a couple of them home with him after the festival. He has already asked if he could be with friends more this week. I'm trying to help him regulate that time so that it doesn't interfere with drums and school work. (Anthony wasn't this way and still isn't, so it's new territory.) There's always some new water to negotiate as they grow up, huh? Each boy is different, and parenting methods don't necessarily scale in some ways. I like that it keeps me on my toes. It's like a smoothly running ship that looks like a Charlie Foxtrot in the engine room.
Friday, September 12, 2014
"I love that you're my biggest fan, Chas."
**This is Chas at 3 months, but Chas turned 12 on Wednesday.**
It's hard to have a birthday during the school year. Starks has only been in school once on his birthday, which was the LAST day of school and therefore an awesome celebration! Anthony will never be in school during his birthday December 30th. Chas, however, kind of gets the shaft. Granted, he is the most social and enjoys being with friends, but it's just not as easy to make the day about him. We tried, though!
**This is Chas at 9 months with a bear my Momma gave him while living in Houston.
He had this awesome, orangish hair with those cheeks and big, blue eyes... SO cute!**
He woke up happy on his birthday and ready to have a great day at school. A bonus was Wednesday is his day with no P.E. and an early dismissal. ;) I picked him up with 4 of his friends and headed to lunch. They quickly ate some Subway and wanted dropped off at the park where they met more friends. He got a nice time with his buddies before his usual drum lessons. He LOVES drum lessons, and she was so generous in buying his a new stick bag, a couple of pairs of sticks, and putty. He was thrilled! We left there to get Starks from gymnastics, quickly did homework at home, opened gifts, and went to dinner just before 7pm. :( I emailed Starks' teacher to let her know we were missing Back to School night for the first time as parents to make sure our son's birthday dinner wasn't rushed and somewhere like Wendy's. ;) Dinner was nice, and Chas was happy.
(See above grin that's been perfected over 12 years.)
**Chas is a year old here, and his birthday party was a "Farm" theme. It was awesome, actually, and a ton of fun! Living in PA, a hurricane had come through that Thursday night/Friday, and we'd been without power since the middle of the night. Russ went away to school Friday morning when I came home from work, and as the weekend progressed without any power restored, I realized his party needed to be cancelled. However, as we drove down the driveway after church on Sunday morning, we saw our lights on!! (Anthony said, "The TICITY'S on!!") We called everyone again to say the party was on. Russ moved the huge treetop that had broken off and fallen in the middle of our driveway- along with other debris- to make sure it was safe. I got to baking and cooking. It was SUCH a fun day, and Chas was adorable- wearing similar overalls, straw hat, and boots toddling around.**
So, he's having his school friends over tonight to celebrate appropriately with a sleepover. I think there will be 6 or 7 boys staying the night. I'm to pick them up from school and drive them to the park where they'll play until dinner. They'll come back all smelling like the woods and hopefully hungry. It's pizza night, so that's dinner. However, Chas requested Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert, so I'm going to make that while he's at the park. :) These boys are easy!
**Chas at 2... more plaid. LOL. LOOK at him, though! Those blue eyes, that grin, those cheeks, that hair still orangish, chubby hands that were squishy soft in mine, and so relaxed. I can almost reach into this screen, pick him up under his arms with one hand and forearm, and sling him up onto my hip to carry him! I love the way kids feel on my hip with my arm under their booty. It was tiring then, but I loved it. Now, I miss it. I'd love to just pick them up and carry them off!**
I'm anticipating a very late bedtime, little sleep, and Chas trying his HARDEST to keep it together tomorrow. He doesn't have much reserve without enough sleep, but since he's aware of that, he tries SO hard to not make it true. ;) It doesn't matter though; it's all worth it to have that time and those memories with his friends! I'm going to love the activity, the smells, the laughter, and the conversation tonight. I like hearing them talk. It doesn't seem like that long ago sometimes in my head when I reminisce on my own memories from those years in school. The excitement I always had then about life even creeps into my belly now just thinking about it.
**Chas is 3 here... maybe close to 4. Today, you can still find him with his arm around Starks... either in a loving hug or around his neck! ;) Last night, Chas could not stop reading "The Scorch Trials" in his room, so Starks and I went into Starks' room to lie down. When Chas did finish reading and was ready for bed, he asked if I could move Starks back into his room. I scooped Starks up and carried him to Chas' room. Chas has bunk beds. Starks used to sleep on the bottom bunk, but he's been sleeping with Chas in the top bunk for a while now. They both love it. How sweet is that?!**
This week, we had Back to School night at the middle school. We met Chas' teachers, and we understood why he liked so many of them. Last year in 6th grade, Chas had a ridiculous amount of homework. It was unnecessary. This year, his teachers are more laid back in that area. They aren't as strict in general and are starting to give their 7th graders more wiggle room, responsibility, and respect. It's nice. There's only one thing he hates about school, and that's running- especially 20" run day. However, he loves his advanced classes- Algebra 1 and English- as the kids are usually more behaved. Chas is eager to be more responsible about managing his life and school. I am praying he does! I just want him to feel that pride that comes with successfully crushing a goal.
Chas is my biggest fan. He's SO encouraging and supportive. He loves spending time with me, holds my hand while I drive, and talks to me. I am so blessed he's my son, and I am loving the young man he's growing up to be. He's a great friend, a charmer, charismatic, thoughtful, and just fun to be around. Chas wanted me from the time he was born, and that made me feel incredible. I am so thankful for all of those nights he slept on my chest with my arms wrapped around him- and pillows on each side so he didn't fall off. SIX months we slept like that. When he moved to his crib, it was his choice, but I missed him! However, I still get the love!
I know this post is about Chas, but I have to include this picture of Starks. He's a year old, and he's shirtless. He's 9 now, and he loves to still be shirtless. This pictures sums him up. ...shoeless, little clothes, and looking shipwrecked. You have NO idea how much those lips of his were sucked on! One couldn't hold back... they called to you.
Friday, August 29, 2014
SEX, SEX, SEX!
Ok... I know that's a little much screaming it like that, but I've been thinking a lot about it. After watching this TEDTalk video this week about feminism, I've found myself thinking about what feminism means. It's the advocacy of (public support of) women's rights (privileges, birthrights, power, etc.) on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men. Now, I watched that TEDTalk video after all of the positive talk about Beyonce's VMA show. (God bless, she is gorgeous.) I watched the majority of Bey's performance (not all of it), but it actually made me a little uncomfortable and upset inside. SO much sex. OK, I get it, Beyonce, you love to ride the pony. Yes, and though I don't see why, Jay Z makes you want a lot of it. Gotcha! Thanks for letting us know how much we're missing out on in bed without him. That aside, she has a HUGE following and therefore a voice that many hear and listen to. SO many people heard about the equality of sex from Beyonce that night.
I look at girls as I drive my son to high school and know they are going to have sex someday. (I've not really begun to allow myself to think that the boys- and therefore MY boys- will be doing the same.) They look at Beyonce and learn that they, too, can have sex, enjoy it, relish it, get freaky with it, and maybe some day do it without being called a slut or whore- unlike their boy counterpoints who are instead celebrated for doing the same. But is that all we want to teach them about feminism? Are we going to start with equality of sex first? Is that the first battle to fight or argument to tackle? Can't we start with feeling empowered in other ways?
It's illegal to have sex before you're 18. Israelite girls were given into marriage at 12-13, immediately after puberty. This can be appalling in today's standards. I read articles and books about societies that still do this, and I'm enraged. To go into why would days of blogging. However, we were made as sexual beings. Our bodies enjoy it. If we didn't have it, our human race would not continue to exist. So, puberty begins our desire to keep our species from going extinct, and the law says keep that to yourself until you're 18. The Israelites said, you have this desire, get married! :D I'm not sure that worked out for everyone, but I really cannot say. I'm assuming. I mean, it worked out so well that the man could take multiple wives in case she really wasn't the "right" one. (I'm paraphrasing.) I would love it if my boys waited until they got married. BUT, I don't ever want them to feel ashamed about sex. How do I balance that? Ooooo doggie... that's a tough one.
The thing about sex is that it's different for everyone. One falls somewhere on a continuum with regards to how much you desire it. Also, what one person is comfortable doing would shock another. Yet, I have to believe that as long as there's a conversation and consent between two people, it should be OK. After I typed that, I realized there are scenarios that I consider CRAZY and UNNATURAL (like what you'd see in a freaky horror movie like 8mm) that might be outliers. Then again, who am I to say as long as two people are willing? Yikes.. this took a wrong turn.
I guess what I was trying to say is that there are billions of people on Earth, the majority of which will some day have sex, and we cannot put what "sex" looks like into a box. There are just too many variables.
Enough about that, though. How do I present it to my boys? The Bible says God intended for sex to be within marriage, and that it is a sin to do so outside of marriage. BUT, like I don't want my kids to live with the shame of sin regarding anything that is not loving to God, others or themselves, I don't want to make sexual sin above all else. Does NOT shaming them mean I condone it? Condone: accept or allow a behavior to continue. I believe it allows grace. I think instead of shaming, I hope to have conversations about it. I especially want my boys to know the emotional aspect and impact on the female and themselves. Yes, you're horny thanks to that Testosterone surging through you, but your actions impact another life (that you don't even need in order to take care of that urge). Health class will teach you that you risk diseases- and pregnancy! I think that the collateral damage to the soul can be much more complicated than that. How is it done? I mean, how do you present sex as a between two committed people, to put that expectation or "goal" out there for them yet not have your son or daughter feel ashamed if it's not met? Is it possible? I guess it might be if you never talk about it. You never say specifically, and they never tell you if/when it's happened. That sucks.
Anyway, I would like to get beyond sex as a top priority in equalizing sexes. I hope that people other than me researched feminism more to gain an understanding beyond Beyonce's minutes of sex and butts that suddenly turned into her in front of "Feminist." Otherwise, teens would feel like the preceding 10" defined that word. Yikes. Let's start with education, please. Let's begin by teaching young girls that they are as "powerful" and important as boys. I've heard older women say, "Well, I was either going to be a teacher or a nurse." Thank goodness, we're beyond THOSE two options! Let's not pigeonhole anyone- male or female- into what they are capable of or "allowed to be" before they've even started. You can pick any part of "political, social or economic equality" to be more important than "I can have as much sex as you and like it as much as you and be equal." COME ON. There are greater things to fight for first. A strong, confident, educated, empowered woman will be thankful. Do think Malala cares about sexual equality? Not FIRST on her list! She's trying to make sure females can get an education, just go to school, in her country and that she make it to a government seat to champion change! I do not think the women in the part of the 3 MILLION Syrian refugees that have left are walking along and thinking how they wish men wouldn't care about their sexuality/sexual activity as much. Other than about surviving, they may be thinking how they wished they would've been allowed out of their houses, to get an education, to gain a skill so that they could have something on which to support themselves without a man.
Let's love and praise a girl today for something deeper than her pretty hair, her adorable dress, her sparkly shoes, or her booty. ;) BTW, The Gap sent me an email this morning with the tagline alongside an adorable, Asian girl that said about a coat, "It's the perfect way to add boyish charm to a pretty dress." I then can deduce that being boyish is charming? Would a tagline for a boy wearing something to give it a "girly flair" be as awesome? Can we imagine it someday? Little Leaguer Mo'ne showed us that throwing like a girl is kickass! How about when being girly and boyish are equally awesome. We don't have to make us more alike but equally appreciate our differences. Again, I digress.... back on track: Let's love her spirit, her determination, her intelligence, her drive, or whatever part of her character that shines. Let's start highlighting what's REALLY important in being human. To me, that involves loving people as they are. Whether a male or female or undefined, I am to love them. Not deny them anything I'd give another. Not look down on them for anything they've done or judge myself better in some way. Not force them into life as I've defined it... but present the option. ;) If we TRULY express unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another regardless of race, gender, or world successes, then we can expect there to be a movement toward equality that follows.
I look at girls as I drive my son to high school and know they are going to have sex someday. (I've not really begun to allow myself to think that the boys- and therefore MY boys- will be doing the same.) They look at Beyonce and learn that they, too, can have sex, enjoy it, relish it, get freaky with it, and maybe some day do it without being called a slut or whore- unlike their boy counterpoints who are instead celebrated for doing the same. But is that all we want to teach them about feminism? Are we going to start with equality of sex first? Is that the first battle to fight or argument to tackle? Can't we start with feeling empowered in other ways?
It's illegal to have sex before you're 18. Israelite girls were given into marriage at 12-13, immediately after puberty. This can be appalling in today's standards. I read articles and books about societies that still do this, and I'm enraged. To go into why would days of blogging. However, we were made as sexual beings. Our bodies enjoy it. If we didn't have it, our human race would not continue to exist. So, puberty begins our desire to keep our species from going extinct, and the law says keep that to yourself until you're 18. The Israelites said, you have this desire, get married! :D I'm not sure that worked out for everyone, but I really cannot say. I'm assuming. I mean, it worked out so well that the man could take multiple wives in case she really wasn't the "right" one. (I'm paraphrasing.) I would love it if my boys waited until they got married. BUT, I don't ever want them to feel ashamed about sex. How do I balance that? Ooooo doggie... that's a tough one.
The thing about sex is that it's different for everyone. One falls somewhere on a continuum with regards to how much you desire it. Also, what one person is comfortable doing would shock another. Yet, I have to believe that as long as there's a conversation and consent between two people, it should be OK. After I typed that, I realized there are scenarios that I consider CRAZY and UNNATURAL (like what you'd see in a freaky horror movie like 8mm) that might be outliers. Then again, who am I to say as long as two people are willing? Yikes.. this took a wrong turn.
I guess what I was trying to say is that there are billions of people on Earth, the majority of which will some day have sex, and we cannot put what "sex" looks like into a box. There are just too many variables.
Enough about that, though. How do I present it to my boys? The Bible says God intended for sex to be within marriage, and that it is a sin to do so outside of marriage. BUT, like I don't want my kids to live with the shame of sin regarding anything that is not loving to God, others or themselves, I don't want to make sexual sin above all else. Does NOT shaming them mean I condone it? Condone: accept or allow a behavior to continue. I believe it allows grace. I think instead of shaming, I hope to have conversations about it. I especially want my boys to know the emotional aspect and impact on the female and themselves. Yes, you're horny thanks to that Testosterone surging through you, but your actions impact another life (that you don't even need in order to take care of that urge). Health class will teach you that you risk diseases- and pregnancy! I think that the collateral damage to the soul can be much more complicated than that. How is it done? I mean, how do you present sex as a between two committed people, to put that expectation or "goal" out there for them yet not have your son or daughter feel ashamed if it's not met? Is it possible? I guess it might be if you never talk about it. You never say specifically, and they never tell you if/when it's happened. That sucks.
Anyway, I would like to get beyond sex as a top priority in equalizing sexes. I hope that people other than me researched feminism more to gain an understanding beyond Beyonce's minutes of sex and butts that suddenly turned into her in front of "Feminist." Otherwise, teens would feel like the preceding 10" defined that word. Yikes. Let's start with education, please. Let's begin by teaching young girls that they are as "powerful" and important as boys. I've heard older women say, "Well, I was either going to be a teacher or a nurse." Thank goodness, we're beyond THOSE two options! Let's not pigeonhole anyone- male or female- into what they are capable of or "allowed to be" before they've even started. You can pick any part of "political, social or economic equality" to be more important than "I can have as much sex as you and like it as much as you and be equal." COME ON. There are greater things to fight for first. A strong, confident, educated, empowered woman will be thankful. Do think Malala cares about sexual equality? Not FIRST on her list! She's trying to make sure females can get an education, just go to school, in her country and that she make it to a government seat to champion change! I do not think the women in the part of the 3 MILLION Syrian refugees that have left are walking along and thinking how they wish men wouldn't care about their sexuality/sexual activity as much. Other than about surviving, they may be thinking how they wished they would've been allowed out of their houses, to get an education, to gain a skill so that they could have something on which to support themselves without a man.
Let's love and praise a girl today for something deeper than her pretty hair, her adorable dress, her sparkly shoes, or her booty. ;) BTW, The Gap sent me an email this morning with the tagline alongside an adorable, Asian girl that said about a coat, "It's the perfect way to add boyish charm to a pretty dress." I then can deduce that being boyish is charming? Would a tagline for a boy wearing something to give it a "girly flair" be as awesome? Can we imagine it someday? Little Leaguer Mo'ne showed us that throwing like a girl is kickass! How about when being girly and boyish are equally awesome. We don't have to make us more alike but equally appreciate our differences. Again, I digress.... back on track: Let's love her spirit, her determination, her intelligence, her drive, or whatever part of her character that shines. Let's start highlighting what's REALLY important in being human. To me, that involves loving people as they are. Whether a male or female or undefined, I am to love them. Not deny them anything I'd give another. Not look down on them for anything they've done or judge myself better in some way. Not force them into life as I've defined it... but present the option. ;) If we TRULY express unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another regardless of race, gender, or world successes, then we can expect there to be a movement toward equality that follows.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Yes, Starks, I will be sad when you go to school
Whew
Our boys officially started school today. Although today was Anthony's 7th day of high school, it was Chas' and Starks' 1st day in Middle School and Elementary respectively. Thank goodness these boys don't care about school tradition too much. First of all, we didn't go to school the day before for either of them to get their school class assignments that were hung on a wall. WHY would we? First of all, it's ridiculous parking, and secondly, why jockey in front of sheets to see who's in class with you and where? They get the SAME information the next day, and it's just more of a surprise! ;) (Full disclosure, a friend who went texted me Starks' teacher's name, but we had no idea which friends were with him in class.)
I did not take pictures of my kids holding signs this morning in front of anything. I've done this in the past, but I cannot recall how it happened. Why were they happier and eager to be awake and moving so early in previous years? Instead, I heard bear noises from Starks and Chas when I woke them this morning. Granted Chas informed me that he'd been up "most of the night" feeling sick, but he never threw up. Starks was just toasty and comfy, I guess. He slithered out of the blankets eventually, albeit reluctantly. At least Starks eats well and healthily first thing in the morning. Chas has always needed 2 hrs to sit in a chair and warm up to the idea of starting his day. During school, he has no such time! Instead, I woke them 30" before we needed to leave for school. Really, I think that's enough time to pee, get dressed, and eat. However, Chas ate nothing for breakfast and took a Ziploc baggie of his uneaten bacon in his pocket for if/when he got hungry in school. Who knows if he ate it or traded it for something tangible or intangible? Anyway, I digress. Great mom that I am, I totally took a picture of the sunrise over the mountains this morning instead of my kids. LOL. Mom fail #1.
The ride to school was fantastic, and the traffic I'd been anticipating was non existent! SCORE! Drop off was at the curb for Chas and the crosswalk for Starks. I was left a little torn in the beginning that Starks did not want me to find parking and walk him in, but in the end, I was proud of him. He doesn't really know how to process feeling nervous or even recognize that he is sometimes, but after answering many questions on the drive about what was expected of him until the bell sounded, he was fine! So, off he walked, alone, to his first day of 4th grade. I came back home to get Anthony and take him to school, went back to elementary to pass out supplies and then lunches, left to give blood, then drove back to pick up Starks and Chas from school after their HALF day! Then, we all came home to eat lunch and rest. Chas still had a headache, felt achy and tired, so we spent the afternoon and evening with the TV off and on. Poor guy.
Starks was VERY happy with his teacher. "She has a lot of parties!" And although there was no First Day of School Party, it was still a great day. After lamenting school yesterday and saying "I hate school," he had a wonderful day. He could not remember the jokes, but she told a few and made him laugh. :) She said there will be a lot of homework in the beginning but that it'll decrease periodically as the year goes along. This made him happy. He is also in class with his closest friends from 2nd grade! YEA! I feel good about this year for him.
Chas feels good about school, too. He has some great 7th grade teachers, got into Algebra and Adv. English, but was given an elective he hadn't listed.... ART! Not so bad. He says he's not a good artist, so hopefully he'll learn new skills or enjoy new mediums. He is excited about Chamber Choir already. :D I believe he enjoyed his first day regardless of feeling ill, and I know he loved seeing his friends and being surrounded by them again! His friend, Wesley, looked so handsome today in his jeans and button-up shirt. :) It made me smile to see the familiar faces again at both schools.
So, today was a win for the Laraway boys. Tomorrow, will be a win for me. ;) I have nothing on my schedule until 2:20! I've already resigned myself to doing a horrible workout because I should have the time. It'll be something exhausting yet empowering in the end. Other than that, I guess I'll be surprised by what God places in front of me for the day! (I have back to school night at the high school at 6:30... that is surreal to me somehow.... that I have a high schooler.... [for Russ:] that's just stupid and weird.)
You know, last night on the drive home from gymnastics, Starks was talking about school and dreading it. He kept talking and said, "I know you're sad, too, right, Mim?" Before I could answer, he went on, "I bet there are some parents that are happy their kids are going to school.... because their kids might be annoying or misbehave." "I bet you're sad because you won't get to love us, play with us and be together." Of course, I told him that he was absolutely right! I would be sad! However, I was not going to introduce the gray area. ;) I was not going to let him know that it wasn't so black and white... that being a little happy about your kids going to school didn't mean it was because you "got rid of them" but that you got a little more of yourself back. Not having them here means I shed the self imposed guilt that I can pile on after choosing to do laundry, clean, or commit to a task instead of playing a board game or doing something else with them. Granted, I would love to have them home with me longer. And, I feel blessed and full after our awesome summer of camping, baseball, best friends, family, and the ocean. No complaints here on how we maximized our together time through sickness, baseball, and adventure! :) Plus, we have an awesome trip planned to Kauai- with the NEADINGS!!!!- in November to add to our 2014 adventure fun.
It's bedtime here now. I meant to have them in bed by 9pm last night, but somehow it was 9:35 before they were actually in bed. I failed, but tonight Chas and Starks were lights out by 9pm. WOOHOO! Small, beautiful victory! I think Chas' being sick helps him not put up a fight for an early bedtime. Who knows, maybe they'll be rested enough for me to wrangle them for pictures! However, our morning is a delicate balance. I have to be aware of not barking out too many orders (eat your eggs, do your hair, brush your teeth, EAT) to keep peace. Yet, I have to bark out some orders to keep things moving in a fashion that ensures us getting out of the house with full bellies, smart looking dos, fairly good-smelling breath, and everything they need for school. (You'd shake your head if you knew how many times we've arrived at school with no shoes... no backpack... no PE clothes... no homework that was on the counter... it's embarrassing.) Plus, if we get into the truck late (usually Chas is the last- forgetting something or making multiple trips to find something), then there's panic from Starks that he will be late to school- as he's the last to get dropped off. We have said many a prayer on the ride to school that God will get us to school safely and on time! Starks' panic turns into his punishing his brothers by annoying them for the ENTIRE ride to "get back" at them for an event that has not even occurred. Sounds totally logical, right? All of that to say, there is A LOT going on in my brain in the mornings weighing and balancing my actions and words. Proper sleep helps them and me!
With that, I'll end. It was a great day. I didn't get a chance to miss my kids as I was just too busy. Tomorrow may be a different story. ;) I'm proud of my little men, though. As they are growing up and gaining independence, I'm pleased to see that they are developing into respectful, awesome young men. (May be "too early to call" for Starks. LOL.) I like who they are, and I'm not worried. They've got this growing up stuff, and I'm praying for guidance and revelation from God for anything I need to see and do. My loves.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Life is fantastic, but I'm sad. We just came home two days ago from an awesome time with family and friends in Cape May, NJ. In fact, our best friends spent the whole week with us there- moving in and out with ease through the days littered with our family and friends. All but one day was spent with additions to our clan! The house was beautiful and very accommodating- the kind that sets you in vacation mode right off the bat. We arrived Saturday evening, and not even 10 minutes later, my newly discovered aunt, Dawn, met us at the house! She had driven from Rhode Island, stayed with a friend in a beach town 1.5 hrs north of where WE were, to meet me for a few hours for the first time. Now, how else can you start a vacation?!? The sacrifice of time, money, and energy to see me meant so much. I like her already. :) I value people's putting aside themselves for others, and I know it wasn't an easy trip to make. But, she did it, and I had a great time meeting her and her friend.
Sunday was our first day at the beach, and it was awesome! We spent each day after that at the beach, and it was different every time. The waves were crazy one day, crashing right at the shore and breaking on you with force, and then some days they were calmer and more "boring" to the boys. ;) The boys seemed to like the waves that made you aware that you were NOT in control of them, their power, or their energy more than they liked the "baby" waves. LOL. Oh, testosterone, how you show yourself! However, the last day's waves were "baby" waves, but we spent all of our time in them, near the shore, rolling and allowing our bodies to be pulled and pushed by them- all the while filling our suits with sand. I loved it! In fact, we played so much that way that I felt their pushing and pulling for hours afterwards out of the water.
Our family and friends stayed with us to have fun and enjoy our company. We can always count on the Polks to jump right in, and though we were missing two of them, we had SO much fun! That day, the waves were surging so high that they spilled over the hill until it filled the "beach chair/towel/umbrella" area up to about 15" from the fence near the dunes! So, then, the kids played in the "pool" of water instead of the fierce waves. My sister-in-law, Tracy, and her kids stayed with us several nights and days, and it just filled my heart to have them there. I was looking forward to spending more time with Tracy, so I was satisfied. ;) We could not wait to see Russ' cousin and family, and it, too, was just amazing. They came over late one night, with three YOUNG kids post beach and tired, driving 40" to our house, just to spend a couple of hours with us?! First of all, their kids are awesome. Second, we love the parents. :) Third, we were blessed, too, with Russ' aunt and uncle! They jumped right in playing our new game of "celebrity" taught to us by the Polks. They are engaged people, taking in the joys of being together. I love them. We actually got to see them again as they spent time with us at the boardwalk north of us in Ocean City, NJ. Good times! My in-laws came down for a day, and we had a wonderful dinner celebrating their anniversary that week. Lots of love from everyone during the week! We are very thankful!
The ladies at Ocean City Boardwalk
The Men!
Back at the house after dinner!
If you want to see our slideshow/videos of the trip from Philly to Cape May, you can see them here. Russ did an outstanding job putting it together- as always. I love having our memories put into a video to watch whenever I want.
SO, back to being sad. We arrived home Sunday night several hours after Russ, as he had a direct flight. He picked us up, and we drove straight to the movie theater as one last hurrah of vacation. We saw the new Planet of the Apes movie, and it kept Starks interested the whole time... even given the fact that it was over at 1am Eastern Standard Time, which was what his body was on. Awesome! Well, we came home and melted comfortably into our own beds. Yea! I woke up with Russ at 7 to go with him and have our morning coffee date, came home, started breakfast, and he walked up the stairs! He'd decided to work from home as the train was late, he had no meetings scheduled, and he could do all of his work here. :D A check up for Anthony that morning led to scheduling same day surgery for this week. No biggie, but the Dr. wanted to do it before school started. Ok... school starts in 2.5 weeks. Next, Costco with Anthony! We brought home groceries and "Cost-dogs" for all the men. (yuck) I came home, continued my chores, talked on the phone to my Momma, and then it was time to take Starks to gymnastics. Chas went with me as I was running more errands afterwards; he's awesome that way. He loves to spend time with me doing boring stuff. As we were about to drive from our parking space on to the next place, I got a call. I parked again and listened. It was one of those automated calls from school, and it was telling me about important dates. Parent Freshman Orientation this Thursday, check. Freshman Orientation Monday the 18th, che... what?!?!? First day of school Tuesday the 19th?!?! WHAT? I sat in the truck speechless and stunned. Their website had listed different dates, but apparently, they hadn't rolled out their NEW website with the NEW url with the current dates. I'd seen old ones. So, within a matter of a minute, I'd lost 1.5 weeks with Anthony.... and I'd been forced to think about his starting HIGH SCHOOL sooner than I'd planned. Funny, huh? How "I'd planned." I keep a great schedule of things I need to remember because otherwise, I'll forget. I hold it loosely for the most part, expecting some changes here and there, but I still plan weeks ahead sometimes in my head- imagining what those weeks could look like and what to expect. However, I have no control over that... over the reality of what those days and hours will actually look like. Then, there's the time component. Time is not given in this equation of life. We can expect a day to hold 24 hrs, but that day's 24 hours may go faster than another's to us. I am not guaranteed any time. None of us is. We plan for hours and days and weeks of time that we may never see. I could die today! I'm hoping not to, but one never knows. That's why we have to "seize the day" and enjoy what present time we're in... not waiting and wanting for more. However, that time I thought I had with Anthony disappeared, and it broke my heart. I cried on my drive to pick up Starks. I cried in my bed a couple of hours later. Just sad. Just thinking 6.5 weeks of summer vacation isn't really a summer vacation. I'd wanted to fill it with more fun and time together. I felt robbed. I still do as I cry and type this out. I love my kids, and I'm not ready for this school year to begin yet. It's going to be crazy with three different drop off times and three different pick up times. I've not yet figured out who to get first from schools 2.5 miles apart that get out within 2 minutes of each other. Or how/when to get Starks to gymnastics on time. Or that his getting out later this year means my time with him BEFORE gymnastics doesn't exist. We used to sit in the truck for 10-15 minutes together and talk before he went inside the gym. This year, I'll be driving by and booting him out, rushing on to get his older brothers. :( I'm sad. I'm crying, already mourning another year of them growing up. However, I'm also very happy that they are. I hate "they grow up so fast." Yes, they do, Mr/Mrs. Insightful. I think every parent knows that. I try to take in each day with them and enjoy them happy, indignant, stubborn, loving, active and all mine. I try to be present with them when we're together. It still sucks knowing school starts soon- and sooner than I'd expected for one.
I'll just keep praying. God, please continue to speak to the hearts of my boys that they know your voice. Keep your hand of protection on them and guide them as they walk through life and find their way in the world. Help me to celebrate their growing up and becoming independent. Give me peace with letting go of imagined moments and open my eyes to take in present ones. Lord, let them be true to and love themselves the way that you created them- each with their own perspectives, strengths and gifts.
With that, I'll leave with my eyes wet and cheeks streaked. I've got some things to do before my Momma flies in today to visit. If you pray, please pray for me and the boys.
Monday, July 28, 2014
I cried watching Camille win the CrossFit Games
I have no idea where I'm going here today. ;) Hang in there with me. First of all, I am inspired having watched the 2014 Reebok CrossFit Games this weekend (starting Wednesday, actually, and continuing through today) from Master's division athletes to teams and individuals. Each group has its own attributes to admire.
I have heard many things from people (nonCrossFitters) about how it's a cult (what?!?!) or an obsessed group of people. Well, I am honestly a bit obsessed. I've grown my devotion to the sport (YES, it's a sport!) throughout the 4 years since I've begun. I worked harder and harder to make it from one scaled WOD (Workout Of the Day) to another to finally doing them mostly RX'd (prescribed). I still cannot do certain movements, and the ones I can do often aren't really that pretty. However, I get better each time, and I'm still getting stronger at 41. :D I was doing the 3 days on, 1 day off thing (mostly) for a while, but God pointed out to me in my bible study that year how CrossFit had become more of an idol. Now, it's not like CrossFit was breaking me down morally or harming me, but spiritually, I was putting SO much more thought into when, where and how I would do a WOD the next day. I'd plan my whole day around it, but I wasn't putting much time and energy into checking in with God. SO, I gave it to God. For some people, that sounds ______ (fill in the blank with stupid, crazy, nuts, not something God cares about, etc.). For me, that is something in which I wholeheartedly believe. It was just another thing from which I released "control." In fact, He was not anti-CrossFit, either. ;) He was great with my schedule, dare I say better than I was. He opened up time where I thought I had none, ADDING a WOD here. He changed my perspective to allow me to live in the present and enjoy something else he wanted to bless me with that day- TAKING a WOD away. I did that for a while, and I was a much better woman, mother and wife because of it. In doing that, it showed me how well my body felt with a little more than 1 or 2 days of rest a week, too. So, I've stuck with more rest, and it hasn't been a trade off in strength. YEA! Now, I try to do one on, one off. I'm still not always consistent, but I DO NOT LIKE missing WODs. I've put in a lot of hard work so far, and it's kind of scary to risk losing any ground. So, I try to keep it up. Watching the Games, though, the athletes made the workouts look relatively easy. It's deceptive to a spectator. Unless you've done a workout like that, you could not possibly know the suck factor. One event, Triple 3, was ridiculous, and I'd done it the day before the athletes. It sucked so much energy out of me that I feel asleep for 30" on the couch afterwards and dragged my body through the rest of the day. Yet those elite athletes came back and did 3 MORE workouts that day, and they did 7 more during the following two days! I rested! So, when Camille Lebanc-Bazinet won after 5 years of competing and putting in the work, I had to cry. All of that time and effort finally paid off for her. It was an awesome moment to watch... on my couch... drinking a coffee. ;)
Last night, I had the privilege of listening to Russ do a run through on his presentation for today. He's leading the opening day of Twitter's Global Sales Conference with his awesomeness. It's a methodology of leadership and development of people that he's also been writing a book about. He is SOOOOOOO good at what he does. Starks was pushing a bar stool around the island/kitchen while Russ presented to us. However, Anthony, Chas and I sat with full attention taking in what Russ was teaching. It was interesting, and I loved it! In fact, I was left disappointed that I wasn't going to be a part of the exercise and full day of presentation. It made me think about what I value. My thoughts took many tangents afterwards, and one of them led to CrossFit. I value autonomy, and I think that may be another reason why I enjoy and can do CrossFit on my own in my garage. I love the flexibility of it, not having anyone else around me with which to compare myself/my effort/my time, and that CrossFit feels like an individual sport in a sense. I still feel part of a community, though. The CrossFit community is HUGE. They are amazing fans of each other. They embrace you no matter what your age, weight, or ability. They are just excited that you are at their box to experience the wonderful change that happens internally often before you see changes externally. It's difficult to describe to someone and have it sound as compelling as it feels. It's like Reagan to Gorby "TEAR THIS WALL!" It tears down walls in your mind that say "You can't go there." "You can't do this." "This area is off limits." Your mind probably has "good" reasons (lies, really) telling you why those three statements are true. Then suddenly, you tear down one wall, and you break free! It opens up all of this space of opportunity and possibility that you didn't know existed inside you. Therefore, you run up to the wall on the other side and slowly chip away at IT, too, to see if you can tear it down, and if so, find out what's on the other side. It keeps happening. It happens to me still. There is a growth in your mind and in the way you think about yourself. You are freer. You are stronger both mentally and physically. You feel AMAZING. Right or wrong, CrossFit.com will post a WOD that I read and laugh at immediately. "Yeah, right!" Then, I think, "Well, if they put it up there, then they think we can do it." So, I do it! I'm not the fastest, but I finish it strong... and tear down another wall that limited my thinking. THAT'S why CrossFitters will try to weaken your excuses and reasons for not trying it.... because even though you may not think you can, they KNOW you can! And, they just want you to discover it- that feeling inside. It will change you in other aspects of your life, too. You start looking for more walls standing in your way. ;)
*stepping off my soapbox*
This Saturday, we spent time with friends from South Carolina here on vacation with their adult sons. Paul and Tara Hinson invited us to join them on a their trek to stop at a few spots in the area before they headed to Yosemite, and we did! We met them at In N' Out Burger because their boys had never been. Then, we went to the Vista Area on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge. After that, we drove to Lagunitas Brewing Co. From there, we went to Russian River Brewing Co, but the line to get in was long, so they nixed that idea and carried on instead to Armstrong Park to see the redwood forest. :) Russ and I had a great time, of course, as Paul and Tara are genuine and fun people. The boys hung in there, and Starks was happy getting to the forest and playing with sticks. Relationships are work. Not work in the sense of struggle but in terms of effort. You have to make time for the people you care about. It can be as easy as spending a Saturday driving to great places with friends, or it can be scheduling yourself from home life and work to fly somewhere else to spend time with someone you care about. My husband has taught classes at work on "Work Life Balance" because he is amazing at it. What he tells people is you just make being home a priority. It doesn't magically come into balance, but you have to make that your priority and make changes and decisions that don't jeopardize it. It's work because there is effort involved. However, as an adult, I've not been disappointed with making time for people. The payout is more than worth the effort!
Speaking of relationships, we have three more "wake ups" until we leave for our East Coast trip!!!! We are leaving our dogs and house in very capable hands, and we're heading out to meet up with the Neadings for 10 days! Oh.My.Goodness. The bonds we have with each other are priceless. I love all 5 of them. I ENJOY all 5 of them. I cannot wait for hugs, laughs, chats, and being together. We will show them Philly for a couple of days and then head to a beach house in Cape May. This annual trip (minus last year) has afforded us time to catch up with friends and family. This particular trip means more time with family, and it's going to be awesome! Plus, worlds merge for us as the Neadings are introduced to Russ' side, a view into his life, and how he grew up. We cannot wait and are on a countdown here! It's such a blessing to love and be loved.
I have heard many things from people (nonCrossFitters) about how it's a cult (what?!?!) or an obsessed group of people. Well, I am honestly a bit obsessed. I've grown my devotion to the sport (YES, it's a sport!) throughout the 4 years since I've begun. I worked harder and harder to make it from one scaled WOD (Workout Of the Day) to another to finally doing them mostly RX'd (prescribed). I still cannot do certain movements, and the ones I can do often aren't really that pretty. However, I get better each time, and I'm still getting stronger at 41. :D I was doing the 3 days on, 1 day off thing (mostly) for a while, but God pointed out to me in my bible study that year how CrossFit had become more of an idol. Now, it's not like CrossFit was breaking me down morally or harming me, but spiritually, I was putting SO much more thought into when, where and how I would do a WOD the next day. I'd plan my whole day around it, but I wasn't putting much time and energy into checking in with God. SO, I gave it to God. For some people, that sounds ______ (fill in the blank with stupid, crazy, nuts, not something God cares about, etc.). For me, that is something in which I wholeheartedly believe. It was just another thing from which I released "control." In fact, He was not anti-CrossFit, either. ;) He was great with my schedule, dare I say better than I was. He opened up time where I thought I had none, ADDING a WOD here. He changed my perspective to allow me to live in the present and enjoy something else he wanted to bless me with that day- TAKING a WOD away. I did that for a while, and I was a much better woman, mother and wife because of it. In doing that, it showed me how well my body felt with a little more than 1 or 2 days of rest a week, too. So, I've stuck with more rest, and it hasn't been a trade off in strength. YEA! Now, I try to do one on, one off. I'm still not always consistent, but I DO NOT LIKE missing WODs. I've put in a lot of hard work so far, and it's kind of scary to risk losing any ground. So, I try to keep it up. Watching the Games, though, the athletes made the workouts look relatively easy. It's deceptive to a spectator. Unless you've done a workout like that, you could not possibly know the suck factor. One event, Triple 3, was ridiculous, and I'd done it the day before the athletes. It sucked so much energy out of me that I feel asleep for 30" on the couch afterwards and dragged my body through the rest of the day. Yet those elite athletes came back and did 3 MORE workouts that day, and they did 7 more during the following two days! I rested! So, when Camille Lebanc-Bazinet won after 5 years of competing and putting in the work, I had to cry. All of that time and effort finally paid off for her. It was an awesome moment to watch... on my couch... drinking a coffee. ;)
Last night, I had the privilege of listening to Russ do a run through on his presentation for today. He's leading the opening day of Twitter's Global Sales Conference with his awesomeness. It's a methodology of leadership and development of people that he's also been writing a book about. He is SOOOOOOO good at what he does. Starks was pushing a bar stool around the island/kitchen while Russ presented to us. However, Anthony, Chas and I sat with full attention taking in what Russ was teaching. It was interesting, and I loved it! In fact, I was left disappointed that I wasn't going to be a part of the exercise and full day of presentation. It made me think about what I value. My thoughts took many tangents afterwards, and one of them led to CrossFit. I value autonomy, and I think that may be another reason why I enjoy and can do CrossFit on my own in my garage. I love the flexibility of it, not having anyone else around me with which to compare myself/my effort/my time, and that CrossFit feels like an individual sport in a sense. I still feel part of a community, though. The CrossFit community is HUGE. They are amazing fans of each other. They embrace you no matter what your age, weight, or ability. They are just excited that you are at their box to experience the wonderful change that happens internally often before you see changes externally. It's difficult to describe to someone and have it sound as compelling as it feels. It's like Reagan to Gorby "TEAR THIS WALL!" It tears down walls in your mind that say "You can't go there." "You can't do this." "This area is off limits." Your mind probably has "good" reasons (lies, really) telling you why those three statements are true. Then suddenly, you tear down one wall, and you break free! It opens up all of this space of opportunity and possibility that you didn't know existed inside you. Therefore, you run up to the wall on the other side and slowly chip away at IT, too, to see if you can tear it down, and if so, find out what's on the other side. It keeps happening. It happens to me still. There is a growth in your mind and in the way you think about yourself. You are freer. You are stronger both mentally and physically. You feel AMAZING. Right or wrong, CrossFit.com will post a WOD that I read and laugh at immediately. "Yeah, right!" Then, I think, "Well, if they put it up there, then they think we can do it." So, I do it! I'm not the fastest, but I finish it strong... and tear down another wall that limited my thinking. THAT'S why CrossFitters will try to weaken your excuses and reasons for not trying it.... because even though you may not think you can, they KNOW you can! And, they just want you to discover it- that feeling inside. It will change you in other aspects of your life, too. You start looking for more walls standing in your way. ;)
*stepping off my soapbox*
This Saturday, we spent time with friends from South Carolina here on vacation with their adult sons. Paul and Tara Hinson invited us to join them on a their trek to stop at a few spots in the area before they headed to Yosemite, and we did! We met them at In N' Out Burger because their boys had never been. Then, we went to the Vista Area on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge. After that, we drove to Lagunitas Brewing Co. From there, we went to Russian River Brewing Co, but the line to get in was long, so they nixed that idea and carried on instead to Armstrong Park to see the redwood forest. :) Russ and I had a great time, of course, as Paul and Tara are genuine and fun people. The boys hung in there, and Starks was happy getting to the forest and playing with sticks. Relationships are work. Not work in the sense of struggle but in terms of effort. You have to make time for the people you care about. It can be as easy as spending a Saturday driving to great places with friends, or it can be scheduling yourself from home life and work to fly somewhere else to spend time with someone you care about. My husband has taught classes at work on "Work Life Balance" because he is amazing at it. What he tells people is you just make being home a priority. It doesn't magically come into balance, but you have to make that your priority and make changes and decisions that don't jeopardize it. It's work because there is effort involved. However, as an adult, I've not been disappointed with making time for people. The payout is more than worth the effort!
Speaking of relationships, we have three more "wake ups" until we leave for our East Coast trip!!!! We are leaving our dogs and house in very capable hands, and we're heading out to meet up with the Neadings for 10 days! Oh.My.Goodness. The bonds we have with each other are priceless. I love all 5 of them. I ENJOY all 5 of them. I cannot wait for hugs, laughs, chats, and being together. We will show them Philly for a couple of days and then head to a beach house in Cape May. This annual trip (minus last year) has afforded us time to catch up with friends and family. This particular trip means more time with family, and it's going to be awesome! Plus, worlds merge for us as the Neadings are introduced to Russ' side, a view into his life, and how he grew up. We cannot wait and are on a countdown here! It's such a blessing to love and be loved.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Can I get you a Motrin?
Shoot.... Sickness abounds in our home so far this summer. Russ began with this chesty cough while we were camping, Anthony started it on our return home, Chas developed a somewhat milder version (though the cough persists) last week, and Starks' began yesterday culminating with a fever at and through the night. :( Double :( I do try to tell my kids that we need these moments of mild sickness so that we can better appreciate when we are healthy and feeling like ourselves. However, this plague altered our summer plans a bit. I had envisioned summer being beach trips, lots of Great America rollercoaster rides, and friends. Although our summer has taken a different path, I appreciate it! I'm thankful they're not missing school... They're not missing anything! I'm glad Starks didn't get sick until after his baseball tournaments! (More on that to come.) I'm glad I get to baby the baby. ;) I'm thankful that my body has fought hard to keep it at bay. Granted, this battle has meant two hour naps after breakfast at times, a decrease in workouts, and early bedtime, and caffeine in the afternoon to keep me going. Wow... reading that back sounds it hasn't cost me anything but instead has afforded me good rest- and more coffee! I've actually enjoyed just being at home more and a little more able to stay on top of the every day chores that I complete while they're in school.
The little guy watching TV, coughing, fighting a fever, and resting this morning.
Saturday was our last baseball game of summer- as we'll be on the East Coast during the last tournament for the Belmont Brigade. We're considering a possible fall ball team, but fall is when gymnastics ramps up in preparation for meets from Jan-April. I think we're just having a hard time letting it go. In fact, I can't seem to hang up his baseball bag in storage. I don't want to admit that it's over. Like in gymnastics, when we see these huge advancements in his capabilities over a few months before competition season begins, I've seen the same kind of growth in these two months of baseball. He's so much fun to watch. I get the same kind of butterflies in my stomach before he gets on the rings that I do when he steps up to home plate or moves to make a catch in the field. I know how much he wants to do well, and I get a little nervous for him. I have to say that the best sound is a fly ball hitting the leather of his glove, or the crack of the bat when he hits a home run. He's awesome. It's been fun how Russ has kept up with all of his stats and made sure to tweet them for family. Russ even cancelled a dentist appt. at the last minute last week because he KNEW Starks would hit a home run with his new bat that game, and he wanted to see it. And, he did. Starks hit his first out of the park home run that game and one in each of the two games after that. The 1.5 hrs Russ and he put in at the park on Monday working on Starks' swing and his throw from third to first really paid off! Even Chas and Anthony, coughing up a storm, wanted to come see his games last week. They saw those special moments, too, and it meant a lot to Starks.
Now that baseball isn't filling our time, we've got 10 days to kill before we leave for Cape May. :D Obviously, these next few will be spent close to home because of Starks' being sick. Who knows what God has in store for us this week. I do know that I'll be taking it one day at a time and soaking in the "sick love" while I can with Starks. Poor kid. I hear him coughing now, and it's that barking cough that somehow has sent us to the ER every year since he was 6 months old. Keep him in your prayers for us! For now, I'll run some errands (I've got his t shirts from his first baseball team to now + these last two gymnastics seasons in a bag for www.ProjectRepat.com to make a quilt for his bed. HIGHLY recommend these guys.) and start some chores. I'm enjoying this relaxation and time of life when my kids are old enough to enjoy me yet be without me should I want to work out, leave the room, or run an errand. I'm feeling full lately, and it's wonderful.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Laraway Family Update!
You know when you've been on vacation, and so much has happened that you don't really know where to start? That's me right now. I'm still feeling so full from these past weeks that I feel like highlighting a part isn't fair to the other parts and blessings I've had. I feel like I should make a list because I love lists. I like paper in this paperless world, pens- especially with different colored inks, and marking off tasks/showing progress in a day's work. PLUS, I have complete "Mom" brain. So, if I don't write thoughts or tasks down, I'm off to the next thing and lost in another activity or motive. Well, here it goes- our life for two weeks in a list!
This was our first run as a family with the trailer- a sort of trial run for an Alaska trip we want to make next summer. It was awesome to have everything so contained, to have hot and cold water in a sink for dishes, have our gas stovetop on a long counter, and have it all set up rather quickly!
Here's a pic of the counter... ahh... a place to set dishes after rinsing and a place to prep dinner!
Our first day, Starks befriended Griffin in a campsite next to us. We will now always remember his birthday as it is on Russ' and my anniversary, July 8th. Essentially an only child, he was thrilled to have a playmate! He and Starks caught many lizards, skipped 100's of rocks, talked, and shot rocks with slingshots over and over. Starks was quite sad when he left as he thoroughly enjoyed their talks and alone playtime. :(
Most of our days were spent in the river, one day in Long Lake at about 6000ft elevation,
on 4 wheeling trail,
and 1/2 a day in town to see the USA v Germany game and for pizza night. ;)
We also played a game with two kids from another campsite that Anthony made up which involved lots of sprinting for 10 minute periods. LOL. We were addicted to the Maze Runner series and found ourselves reading a lot, and the hammock always provided a nice respite. And, of course, we did some bike riding everyday for a bit!
The river provides so many areas that offer rapids, rocks to jump from, and slower "pool" like areas. The weather was in the 90's, so it was a perfect scenario for water fun! Here are some pics of us playing- some in fast motion!
look at those back muscles!
I have to say that the freedom with not having to stay clean is liberating. The possibility of cleanliness isn't even an option, so you don't even have to try. LOL. This is a scene at the fire pit, and Starks has on flip flops. Around the fire pit, it's dusty dirt, so flip flops only offer protection from stepping on something. This little guy's feet were mostly bare for the trip, and BLACK from dirt. It was a blessing to have him walk to the beach near our site and just rinse off his body in the water before bed. He was a little Pig Pen walking around all week... and in heaven!
- I'll begin with Chas' talent show the 2nd to the last day of school. We packed up the drum set into the FJ the night before, woke and ate early on Tuesday to leave at 7:30, got to school, set up his drum set in the gym, and then I left to drop off Starks at school. I immediately went BACK to the middle school and was surprised to find myself as the only parent there to watch. Granted, there were two shows, so maybe they went to the later one. I was very happy to have been allowed to peek into this gig. ;) Chas ROCKED it. When I say he ROCKED it, I mean it. He was fantastic, and like a pro, kept drumming with three appendages while he pulled his bass in with the 4th- as he played it with his right foot no-less. (His drum set at home is on a rug so as to keep it from sliding. We didn't roll up the rug for school.) 1/2 the school cheered at the finale. (The other half were outside and to attend the 2nd show.) He was so confident and in his element that it all just seemed too easy. I found out later when I picked him up that they chose the top 3 (in no particular order, they wouldn't say who was 1st, 2nd or 3rd) as winners. He won a $50 iTunes gift card. Perfect. He was on cloud nine and a rock star getting congratulations from people in all grades that he knew and didn't know. ROCKED IT!
- I left there to lead the 3rd grade picnic activities at our local park. I brought our 150ft long rope from home, and the kids played tug-o-war nonstop! It was a great mix of planned activity and free play. Starks stood so close to me as it neared the end and could not leave my side as his bucket was full! He just had to keep showing me how much he loved me and was thankful. Again, how awesome was THIS day!?!? Too awesome. Especially as two things had also been marked off my to do list for the week. ;) Just kidding... mostly. Here's a picture of Starks and his friend, Stone, kicking butt in the beach ball relay race.
- Wow... next was the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL, JUNE 25TH, a LONG time coming for my family! It was an early dismissal day, so Russ came home from work early, we had a quick lunch at CPK, and we headed up to school again for the 8th grade graduation!! It was a major Charlie FoxTrot in terms of organization. This school has grown so much in the last few years that it's a little overwhelmed. 400+ kids in the 8th grade class! As Carl crawled over the mountain (the fog bank of the Bay), it settled and "spit" on us throughout the whole ceremony. There were enough seats for 200 people, so we just stood around everywhere straining to hear the speakers outside with so much talking and noise around us. However, we stood at the back and ran up the aisle only to take pictures. I mean, it's a great milestone, but it's almost like graduating preschool... it's just a necessary step forward. I don't think the scholastic feat is really something to celebrate (though Anthony graduated with straight A's), but what it represents certainly deserves some recognition. I mean, he's technically a HIGH SCHOOLER! Wha?!?! So, we celebrated, stood proudly, and watched our handsome son get his "diploma." He later had an 8th grade only dance at school, and it was Oscar themed. He was WAY undressed in khakis and a polo shirt! However, he doesn't care about that stuff, but you could tell EVERY girl there did. Man, he has no idea just how handsome and awesome he is...
(FYI, just click on a picture to see a larger image!)
Here's a pic of the counter... ahh... a place to set dishes after rinsing and a place to prep dinner!
Most of our days were spent in the river, one day in Long Lake at about 6000ft elevation,
on 4 wheeling trail,
and 1/2 a day in town to see the USA v Germany game and for pizza night. ;)
We also played a game with two kids from another campsite that Anthony made up which involved lots of sprinting for 10 minute periods. LOL. We were addicted to the Maze Runner series and found ourselves reading a lot, and the hammock always provided a nice respite. And, of course, we did some bike riding everyday for a bit!
The river provides so many areas that offer rapids, rocks to jump from, and slower "pool" like areas. The weather was in the 90's, so it was a perfect scenario for water fun! Here are some pics of us playing- some in fast motion!
look at those back muscles!I have to say that the freedom with not having to stay clean is liberating. The possibility of cleanliness isn't even an option, so you don't even have to try. LOL. This is a scene at the fire pit, and Starks has on flip flops. Around the fire pit, it's dusty dirt, so flip flops only offer protection from stepping on something. This little guy's feet were mostly bare for the trip, and BLACK from dirt. It was a blessing to have him walk to the beach near our site and just rinse off his body in the water before bed. He was a little Pig Pen walking around all week... and in heaven!
Before camping, I read about a burn restriction in the forest. However, we thankfully were able to have fires in our pits. (big sigh of joy) It's just a cozy place to sit around every morning and evening.
My body would be ready to get off the ground and backpacking mat at some time from 5:45-6:30. It'd TRY to sleep, but my body would shout that we needed to move. So, I'd unzip our vestibule, crawl out quietly, restart the fire, and drink my Starbucks DoubleShot Light from the can while I sat staring at the fire and waking up mentally. Talk about peace. The birds would be chattering over the constant gurgling of the river, the fire would pop and buzz, and I'd either sit there singing songs in my head, think, and/or pray for my family and friends. It only got better when Russ would finally wake (sometimes 2hrs later) and join me with a quiet smile and DoubleShot for himself. ;) One morning, I placed a log on the fire, and saw this. It looked to me like a cartoon "Terminator Cat" that had half of his head shaved off and was reaching out with stubby arms. A machine cat. LOL. What do you think?
We ended up leaving a day early after playing the afternoon on the river, and it was a good idea. We then had the next day, the 4th, to unpack, do laundry, buy food, and get ready for our weekend. I was sad as we drove away, but I was also overwhelmed with thanksgiving.
5. My birthday, July 5th, was outstanding. I'd actually spent the 4th reading "The Death Cure" so that Russ could then start it. However, I saw fireworks from the deck which triggers my birthday celebration for the next day! I spent my first day being 41 reading cards that showered me with love and appreciation from Russ and the boys. They'd gotten me a new watch and some lovely smelling products. ;) We stayed home and did a family WOD before lunch. We ate at a burger place for lunch, and the boys were especially talkative. We were living a moment that you KNOW is special, and you sit there soaking it in and not wanting it to end. Just awesome. I'd asked for Russ to take the dogs for baths and nail clippings for my birthday as I hate doing it. So, he did that for me, dropped me off to get a pedicure, and then picked me up when I finished. During that pedicure, I got to talk to my sister on the phone which always fills me up! I got an afternoon "birthday" coffee before coming home, and then we rested here. I wanted pizza and a movie night at home, and we watched "Spaceballs." LOL. Great stuff! So, that was my birthday full of peace, family, and love!
6. Our anniversary was yesterday, and of course, it was a work day. However, Russ and I had our daily morning date at Starbucks together, so it started as it should have! It ended with Starks' first baseball game of this tournament. They handily won 13-5 with Starks hitting a line drive single up the middle, a triple and a double with his 3 at bats. The boys did a fantastic job, and the team played well! It felt like any other day in life, but throughout, I found myself thinking back to our wedding day often and remembering getting ready in his room. His friend, Jeanine, giving me something old, blue and borrowed, and she was excited to help me make it a special day. I wondered that day if his family thought this marriage was not going to last as we made our way with his family in tow, in the pouring rain, to the Justice of the Peace office, on a Wednesday to get married! We've been married 16 years now and have known each other 22 years. I used to look forward to the age I'd be when my years knowing him were more than my years on Earth NOT knowing him. Now, I look forward to when I've been married to him longer than I was single. That's a long time coming- 9 years, but I know it is. He said it so well yesterday when he wrote to me that we've "grown into" each other rather than away from each other. I feel the same way. He's been my friend since 1992, and like any deep, healthy friendship, the layers of love, appreciation and admiration keep getting added on... like a candle being dipped in wax. It grows, mixes and warms together to become one, solid piece. I totally hit the jackpot in life with Russ at my side! He loves me, and I know it. He lets me be who I am without judgement. He doesn't ever make me feel ashamed about any aspect of myself. He challenges me at times to think about my perspective or beliefs, and often, that reflection leads to my own growth. He loves spending time with me, and that makes me feel valuable. He appreciates what I do for our family, and he lets me know it. He treats me like an equal partner in life. He knows what it means to me to spend time with friends and family, and he blesses me with opportunities to do so. He makes me laugh and is adventurous. He is kind with his words and thoughtful about what he says and how he says them. He is a good listener, and I feel heard. I am incredibly happy and blessed with him as my partner!
Well, that's been our family's life recently, and now we are enjoying our summer. All eight weeks of it one day at a time!
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