The Friday of Memorial Day weekend, I flew to Oklahoma to see my niece, Alyssa, Sharmane's youngest daughter, graduate from high school. Alyssa is the baby of two girls and the last one in the house. Whew. I remember flying out to Hawaii to stay with them when Alyssa was just two weeks old, and suddenly, there I was standing at her best friend's house for her graduation party! WHAT? If I felt like it went way too fast, I can only imagine what my sister was feeling.
My sister went through it all like a pro. I don't think she'd mind me telling you that she used to kind of go from standing in a field to being on the edge of a cliff in less than a minute. It's like she could see that something could be coming, and once she'd caught a glimpse, she'd suddenly be teetering on the edge instead of walking across the huge field, then the street, then 100 yards to the cliff, then slink up to the edge. She is SO much better now at taking a step back to look at a problem or change in plans before even beginning that long trek. So, at Alyssa's graduation, she was fantastic! Shar made sure her daughter knew the day was all about her. She shouted, as she should have, with me when they called Alyssa's name. She made sure Alyssa went to her favorite restaurant for dinner/dessert. She even took a deep breath and let Alyssa go to a friend's house late that night. I could see how hard it was to live this day of mixed blessings, but I could also tell she was standing in the field. And, I was so blessed to be there holding her hand.
I was the baby in our family, and I've always appreciated learning from my sister. She taught me how to climb trees, build forts, play, swim, explore, and most importantly that she always was looking out for me. She was a fabulous teacher, too. The summer before Kindergarten, she used the workbooks that she'd brought home at the end of school and taught me how to read, write, add, subtract, and multiply. I could not figure out division before school, but not because she didn't try. However, as much as she taught, I learned more by observing her in action, and I've never stopped. I've been taking notes all of my life and all along as her girls have grown up. Alyssa's graduation was another learning opportunity for me as I will be going through the same kind of day in just 4 years.
I am appreciative of my nieces, Kare and Alyssa, and their love. Whether we were shopping, eating, or simply hanging out at Kare's apartment, it was all beautiful. It really didn't matter WHAT we did, we loved the time together. We spent the next three days just soaking it all in. Time is precious, but it can be difficult to give. I was so fortunate to have seen Sharmane four times last year! She came out here for the P!nk concert, and we drove to San Diego to crash their vacation time. She came out here to surprise me for my 40th, and then she came out AGAIN to spend time alone with me for her birthday. What I realized 2 weeks ago is 9 months is too long for us to be apart. It doesn't feel good.
I've said before that I feel like my best self with my sister. She loves me so unconditionally. She loves me like a mother, best friend, and sister. She loves me despite my faults and mistakes. She just loves, and she does it so well. (Did you know she took a month off from her own family in JAPAN to spend it with me when Anthony was born?) We've made time for each other all of our adult lives, sometimes more frequently than others, but we've made sure to get it! And, I don't just enjoy being with her, I need it. It refuels and refreshes me in a unique, necessary way. Plus, I get to be 5, 16, 27, and 40 all at once!
My sister is so much fun. Sharmane's crazy, silly, and more creative than me. She has made me stretch myself to let go. She has helped me be a better mother and get over myself. And, I still look up to her. So, when I hear people say, "You two have the same smile!" I smile even bigger. I think "I KNOW! Yes we DO! Isn't it awesome?!" (sigh) I'm proud of her, who she's become, what she stands for, and what she does to help others. It's been marvelous watching her unfold and unashamedly show her true self to the world as she's grown up. What a great model for her girls to love themselves just as wholly!
You are both so gifted and so blessed to have each other and to hold dear to the nurturing of that sister bond that is "as solid as a rock". I love how you say what you say Verlana.
ReplyDeleteWow...I read this over the weekend and wrote a reply that was denied publication because of the word limit...THAT's how much I could say ;) It was very personal and I know think God was just giving me an outlet to talk about things because sitting here now, I don't feel inclined to share that same perspective. You should know that, that comment made me smile really big.
ReplyDeleteVerlana and I share an unconditional love. For me, it was there from the beginning. I believed she was "mine", born FOR me. I've never seen her any different, even when I was old enough to know differently. Our childhood was problematic and I just early on knew in my heart and soul, that Verlana was my priority.
I tied her to a chair once...It was at a time when my parents were separated and focused on what they were going through, which left me in charge of everything. I woke us, I fed us, I was in charge, I fed us, I bathed us, I put us to bed; everything. This day, Verlana wasn't cooperating with me at lunch time. I'm 12 and she's 7. She was pushing my buttons and I remember pushing her on the bed, straddling her, red-faced with frustration and wanting to hit her. In that moment, at 12, I realized something was very wrong with things. We weren't sisters that hit one another. At that age, I decided that the best decision was to separate myself from her. I was hurting inside at the thought of being so close to hurting her. It really scared me. So, I made her lunch, tied her to a chair, placed it in front of her, and called my mom to tell her. Packed a bag and set off down the road.
I cried for miles. I cried hearing her crying and screaming as I shut the door and until I was out of earshot. This may be a good example of when she referred to my bad habit of "running to the cliff". It warms my heart to hear her say I've improved in this area (a lot). That's a beautiful example of how life comes full circle.
Verlana has been everything I've needed when I needed her and when I didn't even know I needed her. She has loved me through my growth as an adult and self-discovery. She's encouraged and loved me when I felt unlovable and completely discouraged. All of you who have been on the receiving end of her support know that God has given her a gift.
Verlana, you were the first person I loved unconditionally and it's not ever changed. We do accept one another as we are and where there is room to grow, we walk in that growth together. It's not ever been something to separate us! I love you so much and am so grateful that we make time for one another not only selfishly :) but for our nieces, nephews, and partners.