SEX, SEX, SEX!

    Ok... I know that's a little much screaming it like that, but I've been thinking a lot about it.  After watching this TEDTalk video this week about feminism, I've found myself thinking about what feminism means.  It's the advocacy of (public support of) women's rights (privileges, birthrights, power, etc.) on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men.  Now, I watched that TEDTalk video after all of the positive talk about Beyonce's VMA show.  (God bless, she is gorgeous.)  I watched the majority of Bey's performance (not all of it), but it actually made me a little uncomfortable and upset inside.  SO much sex.  OK, I get it, Beyonce, you love to ride the pony.  Yes, and though I don't see why, Jay Z makes you want a lot of it.  Gotcha!  Thanks for letting us know how much we're missing out on in bed without him.  That aside, she has a HUGE following and therefore a voice that many hear and listen to.  SO many people heard about the equality of sex from Beyonce that night.

     I look at girls as I drive my son to high school and know they are going to have sex someday.  (I've not really begun to allow myself to think that the boys- and therefore MY boys- will be doing the same.)  They look at Beyonce and learn that they, too, can have sex, enjoy it, relish it, get freaky with it, and maybe some day do it without being called a slut or whore- unlike their boy counterpoints who are instead celebrated for doing the same.  But is that all we want to teach them about feminism?  Are we going to start with equality of sex first?  Is that the first battle to fight or argument to tackle?  Can't we start with feeling empowered in other ways?

     It's illegal to have sex before you're 18.  Israelite girls were given into marriage at 12-13, immediately after puberty.  This can be appalling in today's standards.  I read articles and books about societies that still do this, and I'm enraged.  To go into why would days of blogging.  However, we were made as sexual beings.  Our bodies enjoy it.  If we didn't have it, our human race would not continue to exist.  So, puberty begins our desire to keep our species from going extinct, and the law says keep that to yourself until you're 18.  The Israelites said, you have this desire, get married!  :D  I'm not sure that worked out for everyone, but I really cannot say.  I'm assuming.  I mean, it worked out so well that the man could take multiple wives in case she really wasn't the "right" one.  (I'm paraphrasing.)  I would love it if my boys waited until they got married.  BUT, I don't ever want them to feel ashamed about sex.  How do I balance that?  Ooooo doggie... that's a tough one.

     The thing about sex is that it's different for everyone.  One falls somewhere on a continuum with regards to how much you desire it.  Also, what one person is comfortable doing would shock another.  Yet, I have to believe that as long as there's a conversation and consent between two people, it should be OK.  After I typed that, I realized there are scenarios that I consider CRAZY and UNNATURAL (like what you'd see in a freaky horror movie like 8mm) that might be outliers.  Then again, who am I to say as long as two people are willing?  Yikes.. this took a wrong turn.

     I guess what I was trying to say is that there are billions of people on Earth, the majority of which will some day have sex, and we cannot put what "sex" looks like into a box.  There are just too many variables.

     Enough about that, though.  How do I present it to my boys?  The Bible says God intended for sex to be within marriage, and that it is a sin to do so outside of marriage.  BUT, like I don't want my kids to live with the shame of sin regarding anything that is not loving to God, others or themselves, I don't want to make sexual sin above all else.  Does NOT shaming them mean I condone it?  Condone:  accept or allow a behavior to continue.  I believe it allows grace.  I think instead of shaming, I hope to have conversations about it.  I especially want my boys to know the emotional aspect and impact on the female and themselves.  Yes, you're horny thanks to that Testosterone surging through you, but your actions impact another life (that you don't even need in order to take care of that urge).  Health class will teach you that you risk diseases- and pregnancy!  I think that the collateral damage to the soul can be much more complicated than that.  How is it done?  I mean, how do you present sex as a between two committed people, to put that expectation or "goal" out there for them yet not have your son or daughter feel ashamed if it's not met?  Is it possible?  I guess it might be if you never talk about it.  You never say specifically, and they never tell you if/when it's happened.  That sucks.

     Anyway, I would like to get beyond sex as a top priority in equalizing sexes.  I hope that people other than me researched feminism more to gain an understanding beyond Beyonce's minutes of sex and butts that suddenly turned into her in front of "Feminist."  Otherwise, teens would feel like the preceding 10" defined that word.  Yikes.  Let's start with education, please.  Let's begin by teaching young girls that they are as "powerful" and important as boys.  I've heard older women say, "Well, I was either going to be a teacher or a nurse."  Thank goodness, we're beyond THOSE two options!  Let's not pigeonhole anyone- male or female- into what they are capable of or "allowed to be" before they've even started.  You can pick any part of "political, social or economic equality" to be more important than "I can have as much sex as you and like it as much as you and be equal."  COME ON.  There are greater things to fight for first.  A strong, confident, educated, empowered woman will be thankful.  Do think Malala cares about sexual equality?  Not FIRST on her list!  She's trying to make sure females can get an education, just go to school, in her country and that she make it to a government seat to champion change!  I do not think the women in the part of the 3 MILLION Syrian refugees that have left are walking along and thinking how they wish men wouldn't care about their sexuality/sexual activity as much.  Other than about surviving, they may be thinking how they wished they would've been allowed out of their houses, to get an education, to gain a skill so that they could have something on which to support themselves without a man.

      Let's love and praise a girl today for something deeper than her pretty hair, her adorable dress, her sparkly shoes, or her booty.  ;)  BTW, The Gap sent me an email this morning with the tagline alongside an adorable, Asian girl that said about a coat, "It's the perfect way to add boyish charm to a pretty dress."  I then can deduce that being boyish is charming?  Would a tagline for a boy wearing something to give it a "girly flair" be as awesome?  Can we imagine it someday?  Little Leaguer Mo'ne showed us that throwing like a girl is kickass!  How about when being girly and boyish are equally awesome.  We don't have to make us more alike but equally appreciate our differences.  Again, I digress.... back on track:  Let's love her spirit, her determination, her intelligence, her drive, or whatever part of her character that shines.  Let's start highlighting what's REALLY important in being human.  To me, that involves loving people as they are.  Whether a male or female or undefined, I am to love them.  Not deny them anything I'd give another.  Not look down on them for anything they've done or judge myself better in some way.  Not force them into life as I've defined it... but present the option.  ;)  If we TRULY express unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another regardless of race, gender, or world successes, then we can expect there to be a movement toward equality that follows.