Everything Hurts

     (big breath) Everything hurts today.... not physically, Thank God, but my heart.  My heart is burdened for people I love and care about, and it seems as though the things I read, hear and think about just send me to tears this morning.
     A friend, Randi, has been told that although her mom has battled and come back from many medical setbacks, this one may be the last.  Her mom is in liver and kidney failure, and I can't imagine how Randi is awake, coherent and able to eat and function.  She's not sleeping, but that's all she's really dropping the ball on.
     I visited her yesterday at the hospital, and looking at her mom lying in bed made me remember my Daddy, but mostly my step-mom, Cindy.  Cindy died of liver and kidney failure.  It was difficult to see, but it was much harder to see Randi's face... what was going on behind that face.  I had three parents die within 6 months, and it's hard.  However, Randi has been a caregiver for her mom for so long, and her autistic son, that she's not only losing her mom and friend, but her role.  That's a lot of change.  She's also trying to focus on her family but is reminded of medical bills and obligations financially often.  The fear she says can be overwhelming at times when she thinks of the possibility of losing her house, but she's not losing faith and is trying to trust God instead.  How much faith does THAT take?  Real world possibilities, but trusting a God not of this world to take care of them.  I can't wait for her to someday retell her testimony about this time with praise and humility.

     **** Seriously, Mandisa's "God Speaking" came on as I'm writing this?  I am setting myself up for nonstop tears today, huh?  I really had no other choice than to play my V-Love playlist (yep, like K Love, but my faves) this morning, though.  I'd love to play something else and push my feelings out of focus, but that's not healthy.  *****

     I set up a Fundly website for my friend if you feel lead to give any amount of money from $5.00 to something else.  You can access it here.  I know you may not know her and therefore not feel any connection to her, but she has consistently put herself, her wants, and her needs aside for the sake of her family.  Selfless... that's Randi.  Gave up her job as a CSI.. put all of herself into making sure he son had all the help he needed in school.. plans her life around meeting everyone else's needs.  She's one of a kind.