This is one of several "motivational" canvases in our Podiatrist's office. ;) Chas always asks me what I'd do. I can't really come up with something at the time. I think that before I can answer that question, I have to define failure. What does failing look like to me? I jumped out of an airplane in college because I had the opportunity to do so. (It was awesome!) I trained for and ran 1/2 marathons and a sprint triathlon years ago just to say I did them. *and to be with friends* So, I'm usually stumped and turn it back to Chas asking him what he'd do instead. I guess I never really felt like fear of failure was holding me back from trying anything important...
...Fast forward to this Christmas break. I opened up my bible study a few days here and there to get back into it and hear from God. We're studying Isaiah, and it's often much of the same. Warning about destruction, rebuke about their hideous behavior, prophesy if nothing changes, etc. There are some awesome nuggets of hope in there and currently Hezekiah is at times a great model for prayer and faith. However, these days I wasn't getting anything that jumped out at me as an application. So, I went deeper into pride. Hezekiah showed the Babylonians all of his storehouses of grain, silver, gold and such. We don't really know why, if it was pride or maybe trying to get them to see what he could offer them for an alliance against the dreaded Assyrians that threatened pretty much everyone in the region. Either way, I was led to think about pride.
Being proud is OK. Having pride in something I achieved is OK. Being "prideful" is not. That's when your pride turns into being haughty, feeling superior to another, or producing disdain for another. I am proud of myself for doing CrossFit since Aug. 16, 2010. I am good about motivating myself to not only do a WOD (workout of the day) but pushing myself in one as well. Because of that and because it's totally convenient to fit into my schedule whenever I want/need, I've done well and have been happy doing it at home. We have a complete gym here that lacks nothing, and I love it! Why pay for it at a box and have to drive somewhere?
Ryan Neading and my husband have both asked me at times why I don't try a box. (CrossFit gym) I immediately feel defensive inside and state reasons as to why. Mostly, they are because of me. "If I went to a gym, I'd not be able to celebrate my accomplishments, PRs, small victories if others were exceeding mine." "I'd have a hard time not comparing myself to those around me." "I do NOT do well with people shouting at me and encouraging me to push harder. It pisses me off inside." "I like knowing what's next... the WOD ahead of time." None of these is a good reason in reality, but what God kind of forced me to look at this past weekend was that it comes down to fear and pride. WHAT? Yep! Fear that I would not meet another's expectation. I am the strongest woman in my house because I'm the only woman in my house. I would not be at a gym. There's the pride part. I also realized that I have a view of what I THINK a box will be like when in reality, I have no idea what it will be like. I really felt like God was pulling me to try it. I'm not sure if it's to learn humility, to stretch my mind, to open my heart, to deal with pride, or to grow in me in another way I'm not aware of yet.
What I do know is I'm trying my first class today in 40 minutes. I have no idea what to expect. I'm shaving my callouses just in case and packing a gear bag with the things I use for various WODs. ;) I'm going to try to be as prepared as possible. I'm going to embrace whatever I'm shown, and I know that through this obedience, I can only be blessed in some way. That way my be what CrossFit repeatedly shoves in my face every week- all of my weaknesses.
I can't remember the last time I made a New Year's Resolution, and this is not one. This is listening to God and being obedient to step out of the boat like Peter. I'm not about to walk on water, but I'm also sure I'm not going to sink. I want to puke. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm a CrossFitter. I will not let this water main break at the high school that just happened make me late and not go because I have to pick up my son from school. LOL! Seriously... this call just happened. ;) Now I really have to go to make sure I make the class!
You will surprise yourself. That is what awaits you. I'm with you Verlana and cheering you on, not shouting, just being supportive. LOL! You perhaps will become the strongest women there, and then again, you might already be and not be aware. Growth spurts do induce a bit of pain, but I love the outcome.
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